


Soumis

by Zoi no miko (zoi_no_miko)



Category: Flatliners (1990), Kushiel's Legacy - Jacqueline Carey
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Kushiel's Legacy Fusion, Alternate Universe - Medieval, BDSM, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Prostitution, Sexual Harassment, Submission, gentle dom!Dave, random supporting characters stolen from other media, sacred prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 04:36:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16926621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoi_no_miko/pseuds/Zoi%20no%20miko
Summary: Nelson de Corbeau, heir to the barony of Masamet, discovers the complications of life among the peerage of the City of Elua with the secrets of his family's past with the court of the night flowers hanging over him. Can he find balance between his desires and the politics of being a peer of the realm?





	1. Chapter 1

"Are you sure you must go, Nelson?"

I turned to look at my mother, the Baroness Lilianne de Corbeau, who stood in the doorway of our home in the beautiful hills of Siovale. She trembled visibly, as she often did when she was upset, and though my heart ached to cause her pain, I was eighteen and my mind was made up. Though I loved our home in Masamet, I hungered for more: more than my father's extensive library, more than the tutors my mother had hired for me. More than the beautiful boys in the town.

I went to her, catching both her hands and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I must. But the University is only a day's travel from here. I'll come home to visit. I promise."

My mother's smile was wistful, and she lifted a hand to cup my cheek. "Do what you must," she said softly. "You have your father's spirit, you know. I could not hold you here even if I wished it."

Her words surprised me when she rarely spoke of my father, Alexandre de Corbeau, who'd died before I was born, not long after their marriage. I'd learned little of him from the household staff beyond that he was a fair and good lord; he'd spent much of his life in the City of Elua, where he'd met and married my mother. "Is there family I should seek out?" I asked, wondering why it hadn't occurred to me before. My father had had an older brother, the Comte de Corbeau, and though I knew he'd died some time before my father, surely he must have had heirs?

My mother looked sad, shaking her head. "There was a cousin," she said softly, "but... he died in the tragedy that befell Princess Roxanne. I wish that I could have introduced you..." she was quiet for a moment, wistful, then gave a small shake of her head. "Still, I'm certain you will find your way to the City of Elua, and I would find you well received. Wait for me for a moment."

When she returned, she pressed an oiled document envelope into my hand. "Letters of introduction," she said. "To the head of House Rocaille, who was married to your cousin, though he does not know you he is a fair man who can be trusted if you are in need. And to the Matriarch of house Shahrizai. She... was a friend of mine, in the city." Then she pressed a ring into my hand. "And your father's signet. It will give you access to our accounts at any Bryony bank, and to our household in the City of Elua. But... be wise, my son. Be careful at the gaming tables, and choose your friends wisely. If anything were to happen to you...."

I pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I promise."

~~~

I was resolved not to need my mother's letters of introduction, but I still kept them safe. Surprisingly I discovered I had little need of the second; though I had no desire to travel to the City of Elua in my first few months at the university I made fast friends with two of the Shahrizai who were also undertaking the study of the physician - bold, charismatic Joe, his black hair and blue eyes the mark of Kushiel's blood in his veins, and his half-sister, Rachelle, who was rather muted in comparison, but still beautiful with dark chestnut hair and brown eyes. Had she been a boy I might have sought her bed; had Joe been into boys I might have sought his. Still, I found myself glad that I didn't, enjoying for the first time the companionship of peers of the realm.

It seemed the house of Shahrizai was quite polarizing; many spoke of the cunning of their bloodline with disdain, but Joe and Rachelle seemed to walk at the center of a group of peers of the realm that adored them, hanging on their every word. I could hardly blame them. Charisma seemed a part of their bones, but while others were content to fawn and agree with every word, I found it far more engaging to challenge them, using my intelligence to match wits with them at any chance. Though it made Rachelle surley on occasion, Joe found it delightful, more often than not clapping me on the shoulder with laughter.

"This is why we're friends," he'd say more often than not, and order wine for the lot of us.

Those first few months at university seemed the most ideal of my young life. Perhaps it would have stayed that way had it not been been for the arrival of Quincel de Morhban.

We were drinking late, as we often did, in one of the university salons, in heated debate about the Bhodistan course of study of _vājīkaraṇa_ \- something that proved fascinating to us as D'Angelines, who had no need of fertility drugs with the blessings of Eisheth available to us. We were joined by a young Aragonian scholar named Randal who was fast becoming a close friend as well, providing a unique foreign perspective on the matter.

"My Lord and Lady Shahrizai!" A voice boomed out through the salon, and I watched Rachelle roll her eyes.

"Just play nice with the jerkass," Joe muttered to her under his breath, then stood, all smiles as he met the man who crossed the salle to us with a kiss of greeting. "Quincel. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Do I need an excuse to enjoy the pleasure of the company of my future Duc?" the man asked, and there was something glittering bright in his expression that told me the visit was anything but pleasurable. He seemed several years our elder, and certainly far more well off than I was, though perhaps not so much as my friends. "My younger brother is considering continuing his tutelage here, though I keep trying to tell him that Tiberium is becoming far more fashionable again."

"But of course," Joe replied, and from the sharp look in his eyes I gathered there was clearly no love lost between the two of them. It was understandable; House Morbhan had held Kusheth for generations, until King Theirry had granted it to House Shahrizai, who had been instrumental in saving his life in Terra Nova. Joe extended a hand to an empty stool. "Join us, if you wish? This is Randal Solos, from Aragonia, and Lord Nelson de Corbeau of Masamet. Friends, this is Quincel de Morhban."

"de Corbeau...?" Quincel tilted his head slightly as he regarded me. "Not Alexandre and Lilianne's son?"

Surprised as I was that he would know me, I felt wary enough to hide it. "The same, my lord."

"Ah, but you must call me Quincel!" he pulled the empty stool into the small space between Joe and myself, and there was something wide and predatory in his smile. "My father knew yours well. And your mother. In fact, if fate had turned out differently we might have been brothers!" This statement was somehow hilarious to him, but made me bristle, unsure if I wanted to know what he was insinuating.

I watched a look of intense distaste cross Joe's features, then he pushed it away, pressing a goblet of wine into Quincel's hand. "Come, Quincel, you must tell us of things in the City of Elua. I hear the Princess is to be married?"

With wine in him, Quincel proved rather less abrasive; as time went on Joe and Rachelle relaxed somewhat, so I did too. He was handsome, I found myself thinking as my limbs became warm from the wine. And his words did seem to reflect an earnest desire to gain favor with them. "You must return to the City of Elua on break," he said to Rachelle, reaching across the table to clasp her hand. "All the peerage laments that we were not able to celebrate your sixteenth birthday in the traditional fashion. You must allow my household the honor of hosting your seventeenth."

"I would be honored," Rachelle replied, though I could see the reservation in her smile. I wondered if he meant to woo her, then was completely distracted from the thought by his hand on my knee.

"You'll come as well, won't you, Nelson?" he said, and I found myself strangely frozen in the intensity of his blue eyes, heart pounding in my throat. His thumb, rubbing slow circles on the inside of my knee, felt like a brand. "I'd be happy to welcome you into my household."

"Nelson has his own household in the City of Elua," Joe said, and the sharpness in his voice broke the thrall of Quincel's eyes.

"Yes," I said automatically, moving my knee away from his grasp. "But thank you for the invitation, my lord. Now, if you'll all forgive me, the night grows late and I must to study early tomorrow morning."

"Of course," Joe said with a nod, and I hurried from the salon.

I was halfway back to the dormitories when I heard his voice behind me. "Nelson! Nelson de Corbeau - please wait!"

My head told me to walk faster, but my steps faltered, stomach twisting as I turned back to him. Quincel was flushed and breathless as he slid from his horse, looping the reins around a railing and stepping into me, close enough that I could feel the heat of his body. I swallowed hard, trying to tell myself to pull away. "My lord?"

"Just Quincel," he said, blue eyes catching my gaze again. "Forgive me for being so forward tonight. I didn't expect to meet her son. I didn't expect you'd be as beautiful as she was."

I felt the back of my neck heat at his words, torn between alarm and pleasure at the flattery. "Forgive me. I was unaware you knew my mother."

Quincel shook his head. "I only know of her. I was still a boy when she left the City of Elua with you. But my father never stopped loving her, you know. He still had her portrait in his study when he died, no matter how my mother hated it. He would have made her his mistress, if she'd let him. If your father hadn't wooed her away from Valerian House with his promises to make her his wife and a peer of the realm. Is she well?"

"Sh... she is quite well," I found myself stammering in reply. The realization that he apparently knew more of my mother than I did was disarming; I felt a combination of resentment and an intense desire to know more. "I'm sorry... Valerian House?"

A sudden, genuine surprise came into his eyes. "I'm sorry... I didn't realize you didn't know."

Why did his gaze make me feel so faint? "Didn't know what?" I asked, pulse thundering in my ears, and the superiority in his expression faded to something rather more gentle.

"Respectfully, I'm not certain it's my place to say," he started slowly. "But if you are to come to the City of Elua, you should know what the Peerage does...."

"Tell me," I said, and Quincel stepped in closer, the edge of his thigh just brushing mine, his voice low and warm.

"Lilianne de Corbeau was once Lilianne no Valerian, one of the greatest adepts of Valerian house," he said softly. "My father loved her. The Lady Shahrizai loved her. And many more of Kushiel's scions. And your father." He brought a hand up to stroke his fingertips along my jaw, and I found myself frozen again, heart pounding, a heat and desire rising up in me stronger than anything I'd ever known.

"Valerian house still speaks of her," he murmured. "How there was something in her blood that called to the scions of Kushiel, that made her irresistible. I wondered if you would follow in her footsteps, or seek to dominate as your father did. Seeing you, now... the truth of the matter is clear."

Before I could think his lips were on mine, and I gasped, desire flaring hot in my veins. Quincel gave a low, pleased growl, and in moments I was pressed back against the stonework behind me, his body hot and hard against me. His tongue plundered my mouth, and I found myself quickly and inexplicably hard from the force and dominance of his kisses, whimpering into his mouth, arching up into the pleasure of his form. Quincel's fingers tangled in my hair, so tight that it made my eyes water, but it somehow did nothing to dissuade my arousal, leaving me breathless as he started to kiss along my jaw.

He pressed one thigh between mine, groaning as I rocked up against him eagerly. "You're exquisite," he breathed, catching the skin of my throat between his teeth, the sharpness sending a shock of pleasure through me, making me whimper. "Come to bed with me and I'll show you all the pleasure a scion of Kushiel can give you, all the pleasure you crave. I'll make your body sing under my lash as I fuck you, Nelson, I'll make you kneel before me, make every inch of you belong to me - "

There was something deep inside me that ached to agree, but the realization of it was sudden and distasteful, and I shoved him back with sudden strength. "Don't touch me!"

I expected anger, but instead Quincel smiled, eyes dark with desire. "Don't be afraid," he murmured, taking a step closer. "We all must accept who we are, Nelson. You know it's in your blood to submit to me."

"Fuck you," I spat angrily, and ran, not looking back to see if he followed.

When I reached my dorm I collapsed on my bed, all the confusion and desire I'd felt welling up into tears of frustration. I was still half hard, and when my mind replayed our encounter my body betrayed me, so much that I gave in and wrapped my fingers around my cock. How had a handful of brief and unwanted kisses on the street been more pleasurable than any romantic encounter I'd ever had? I hated him for it, and in the same moment ached to give into it, to give myself over to the twisted pleasure he promised, and when I finally came it was with the thought that if he asked me again I might not be able to say no.

~~~

"Why didn't you tell me about my mother?" I asked Joe the next morning when we met before breakfast. The confusion and desire I'd felt the night before had faded into a feeling of betrayal - at him, at Rachelle, at my mother. At everyone who hadn't told me.

"I'm sorry," Joe said quietly. "I thought you knew."

"You thought Kushiel's blood would make me kneel to you," I hissed, and though I caught a flash of anger in Joe's eyes, his voice stayed low and firm.

"No, I didn't. Because even if I wanted you like that - even if I wanted any man like that, Nelson - my mother raised me to have far more class and propriety than Quincel de Morhban." He laid a hand on my shoulder, firm and warm, and though for a brief moment I feared that it would awaken something in me I blessedly felt nothing but his support. "He won't bother you again."

Whatever Joe said or did, I didn't see Quincel again. Still, it proved impossible to put the encounter from my mind. I hated him - hated him for what he'd awoken in me, hated him for the desire I still felt despite the utter distaste I had for him. And as Joe and Rachelle prepared to return to the City of Elua during university break, I knew I had to go with them.

For better or worse, I was going to have to face Quincel de Morhban again.

~~~


	2. Chapter 2

The City of Elua was different enough that it distracted me somewhat from my worries. My father's manor was not large, but it was very nice, and the handful of staff that kept it welcomed me with warmth and open arms. Part of me still wished I was home for the winter, snug in our little manor house in the hills and drinking spiced wine on the Longest Night. But I knew I couldn't face my mother again until I'd found peace with everything I'd discovered.

More reassuring was the welcome I received from House Shahrizai. After what Quincel had told me, I was half afraid of meeting Duchess, and my mother's letter of introduction felt heavy in my hand. Zoe Shahrizai was as gracious as her children had been, though, welcoming me with a genuine warmth that contained nothing of the darkness I'd seen in Quincel de Morhban.

"You're welcome in my household at any time," she told me, smiling. "I'm honored by your mother's trust, and grateful for the friendship you've shown my children. Please call upon house Shahrizai for anything you need, Nelson." She then set to throwing a dinner to mark their return home, making it very clear that it was to honor my return to the city just as much, inviting a slew of the children of the nobility of our age. Joe introduced me to each, teaching me of the loyalties and allegiances and the steps of the games of the peerage that night which would have been socially deadly for me not to know, and impossible to learn on my own. I came to know that night who was truly in the favor of House Shahrizai - and it didn't include the House Morhban.

It was late in the evening when the Duchess approached me, settling into a chair beside me as Joe regaled the table with a tale of a particularly eccentric professor at the university. While I would have at other times joined in with my own thoughts, I felt warm and lax from the wine, content to listen and enjoy the amiable company. Too often after Quincel's introduction I'd found my thoughts straying to his words, wondering who of the people I met knew the truth of my heritage. But somehow I felt safe in House Shahrizai, and found myself smiling at the Duchess as she sat.

For a moment she listened, fondness and pride in her eyes as she watched her children. Then her gaze slid to me, just as warm, and I found myself wondering about what Quincel had said, about the relationship between her and my mother. But where Quincel's words had made me feel objectified, there was a sense of genuine warmth to the Duchess that put me at ease.

"My son reports that certain distant relative was causing you trouble at school," she said, leaning close enough to me that her voice was soft and conversational, meant only for my ears. "Would you mind if I speak with you on it in private?"

The last thing I wanted was to think about Quincel more than I already was, but I nodded, following her into what proved to be a very nice study.

"I'm sorry Lilianne didn't prepare you for this," she said, pouring us both a glass of an amber liquid from a decanter on the sideboard. She handed one to me, then sank down to one end of the velvet couch, patting the cushion for me to join her. "It is not my place to question her decisions, of course, but it has done you a disservice. The peerage loves a good story. Too much not to talk."

I sat, feeling my lips twist with unhappiness. "So I will always be the son of a whore and the man who beat her."

I saw the Duchess's eyelashes flutter slightly, but she didn't otherwise react to my bitter words. "And which part of that concerns you more?"

I swallowed, looking down at the glass in my hands. "I don't know," I said finally. "I think... I think the problem is that I always assumed that my parents loved each other. When Quincel told me about my mother, he... he propositioned me, he offered me...." I felt a shudder run up my spine, and despite my unexpected need to share with her the things I hadn't even told Joe, I felt my throat close over on my words.

"It was uncouth and inappropriate for him to use his knowledge of your mother to try and manipulate you into fulfilling his own desires," she said softly, and I felt myself shaking my head. 

"I just can't see the precept of Blessed Elua in - in hurting someone else."

The Duchess tilted her head to one side slightly, regarding me. "You do not believe in the love of Kushiel, then?"

"Love?" I shook my head, feeling a soft rush of shame. "Forgive me, my lady. My tutors... my mother taught me little of Kushiel apart from his role as the One God's punisher. I... do not understand his worship."

The Duchess gave a soft hum of understanding that seemed a little sad, and gave a nod. "If I may, Nelson... there are two things that I think you need to understand to set your heart at ease a little. The first is that Kushiel... Kushiel abdicated his duties for the One God because he believed in the love and absolution of punishment, when the One God cared only for redemption through pain. Kushiel bore his rod in love, not cruelty. When He followed the Blessed Elua, when He came here to Terre D'Ange that didn't change. There are times in life when ... when the world becomes too much for a person to bear. Perhaps it is from guilt, from mistakes or deeds misdone. Perhaps it is from the weight of too many responsibilities, perhaps it is from emotional turmoil. The worshipers of Kushiel seek his love to lift that burden from them. The pure love of Kushiel was always about the needs of the supplicant, about giving his followers exactly what they needed and no more than they could bear, and that is where the truest love and satisfaction is to be found. So there is a great responsibility placed on the shoulders of anyone who would take up Kushiel's mantle, whether that be his scions or those who dedicate themselves to Naamah's service in his name at Mandrake house. It's something I've been very certain to teach my children."

I thought of what Joe had said of the respect his mother had taught him, and nodded. "But not every scion of Kushiel."

She gave a soft sigh. "There are those who set aside the true teachings of Kushiel for only their own selfish pleasure. And those who are not Kushiel's scions, who desire to experience mastery of others through the same pain and violence. They are, I'm afraid, all too common among the patrons of Valerian house."

I thought of Quincel and felt my stomach twist. I thought of my mother, and wondered if she'd felt the same. "My father."

The Duchess shook her head, reaching out to place a hand over mine. "Nelson, I knew both your - both Lilianne and Alexandre, though I knew Alexandre best through your mother's words. He was always a close friend of Victor de Morhban. Kushiel's scions often find others drawn into their orbit, they often forget that others do not desire the same things out of the Night Court as they do. Alexandre did not like the way Victor treated your mother. I think he fell in love with the idea of rescuing her, of taking her away from him. And she loved him for that, Nelson. Genuinely. I believe that if he had not died so soon after their marriage their love would have grown as strong and beautiful as any love the Blessed Elua grants us."

I stared down at her hand, at the half-empty glass of wine between my fingers. "So it is only Valerian that runs in my veins."

She sighed, patting my hand gently before leaning back. "Nelson, no matter what fantasies Quincel de Morhban is trying to project onto you, you are not a Valerian adept. You have not been raised and conditioned for your whole life to find pleasure in pain. You are not an _anguisette_ , who has been touched by Kushiel to be aroused by torment. You are a beautiful, intelligent young man who deserves a lover who will worship and care for you in the ways that you want and deserve."

Something in her words awoke a depth of longing in me that should have been sweet and beautiful, but instead brought back memories of Quincel's thigh between mine, the shameful pleasure of his teeth on my throat. I felt tears burn at my eyes and couldn't keep the glass from trembling in my hands. What if that was what I wanted and deserved? I tried to say, but the words wouldn't come. 

The Duchess gave a soft hum of dismay, reaching out to touch my hand again. "Whatever is at conflict inside you, Nelson, please don't think for a moment that Quincel de Morhban is the only way to answer it. Whenever you wish - whenever you are ready, it would be my honor to sponsor your first visit to the Night Court, to any of the houses that fit your fancy. Balm is adept at soothing the conflict of the heart, and Gentian can help unravel any uncertainty in your dreams. And if you wish to discover the true love of Kushiel at Mandrake house, well... whatever happens will be only between you and your adept."

Part of me badly wanted to agree, and I hated myself for being so afraid of what I might find. "Thank you," I managed to say, my voice rough with the emotion I fought to hold back. "It's... very kind of you."

"It's the least I can do," she said softly, standing to leave and pressing a kiss to my hair as she did.

~~~

In the days leading to Rachelle's birthday celebration I felt more grateful for Joe and Rachelle's friendship than ever before. Joe pulled me into preparations, visiting and connecting me with exclusive Ateliers and ordering new clothes for us in the latest fashions of the City, as well as costumes for the Longest Night. "Great cats from the jungles of Nubia," Joe declared to the atelier who attended us. "A lionesse for my sister, and a black panther for me. And for my friend, I think, a cheetah, fearless and quick-witted and deadly."

The pleasure and pride in his words as he spoke warmed me, and it struck me then how much Joe was enjoying parading me around the city, as a pearl of the peerage he'd discovered far away at the university. Perhaps it would have dismayed me had he not done so much to present us as equals; instead I rather loved him for it.

What worried me still was Rachelle's birthday celebration, which was indeed being planned with great pomp and circumstance by Quincel de Morhban.

"You don't have to attend," Joe said seriously in the carriage as we made our way back from the Atelier. "He's done you offense and done naught to make up for it. I will make that clear. It will not reflect poorly on you."

"I wish he'd done me offense," Rachelle muttered, lips curling in distaste.

I gave a displeased hum as I considered the situation. "It's true, but he's done his job too well. The gathering is all the peerage can speak of. If I don't attend it will only show that I'm intimidated by the asshole. I'm not."

"Of course not," Joe agreed, but I could still see the concern in his eyes. I found out why later when he pulled me aside after dinner, before my carriage arrived for home. "Look, Nelson... I need to tell you this as a friend, so please remember I hold nothing but the utmost respect for you."

I felt a shiver of worry in the pit of my stomach and fought to push it away. "Of course. I'm grateful for it."

He nodded. "I've done you a disservice by not speaking to you of your mother before that jerkass could. I'm sorry for it, and I'll do my best to make up for that slight."

I shook my head. "Joe, your friendship has already been gift enough - "

"He'll take Rachelle to Valerian house," he blurted, interrupting me, then looked cross at himself for it. "I'm sorry. Let me explain. It's tradition among the peerage in the city to go to the Night Court to mark one's sixteenth birthday - or rather, your friends kidnap you and drag you off to it. We were travelling last year, so it never happened. Quincel intends to rectify it. But he will take her to Valerian. You are most welcome as my friend, as Rachelle's friend, and I'm certain Quincel wants you in that position. It is...." He sighed, lips pressing together in displeasure. "It is too common for the scions of Kushiel to play the games of politics, and his household has much to gain and little to lose. I don't want him manipulating you to get to me."

"I'm not about to embarass you," I said, feeling cross that I hadn't considered that angle to Quincel's intentions.

"Elua, that's not what I mean, Nelson. Quincel can come at me however he likes, but I won't have you hurt in the process."

I forced a smile, trying to sound more sure of myself than I was. "I know. Thank you. Don't worry about me, alright? I can handle myself."

On my way to Rachelle's celebration at the de Morhban household, I found myself wishing very much that I'd been able to find that surety I'd spoken of so confidently to Joe. Still, when I arrived I found there were many of the people I'd met since my return to the city in attendance, enough that I found myself truly enjoying myself, engaging in good conversation and good company and only a little too much of the good wine. It felt good to be able to converse and socialize in my own right, to feel like I didn't need the constant company of my Shahrizai friends to shield me in this new social environment.

Then, as I was deep in conversation with a small group including one of Joe's cousins and her husband - a delightfully well-traveled Akkadian lord - Quincel de Morhban made his move.

"We're off to the Night Court at midnight, Suriah," he said to Joe's cousin with a smile, gracefully insinuating himself in our conversation. "You'll still help with the kidnapping, won't you?"

"Looking forward to it," she replied with a smirk, then looked to her husband. "Will you join us, darling?"

He gave a soft laugh, shaking his head before leaning in to press a kiss to her temple. "You know my desire is only for you, my love. But please enjoy yourself however you like."

For a brief moment I enjoyed the genuine love and affection between the two of them, and wondered a little that a man from such a traditional culture could accept this D'Angeline freedom in his wife. Then I felt Quincel's hand on my arm, and my heart thudded to a stop.

"You'll come too, won't you, my lord de Corbeau? I'm terribly sorry for the unintentional slight I gave you when we met at the University. Please allow me to host you at the Night Court in apology for my actions. I've well enough room in my carriage for you."

Of course that was his angle. I felt my pulse race to make up for the missed beats and fought the urge to yank away from his touch. "Ah, but the slight is already forgiven, my lord. Demanding such a gift from you would be too much."

"Oh, but you must come!" A young Azzallese lady whose name I'd forgotten clutched my other arm in excitement. "You've never seen the night court, have you? It's ever so exciting. I can come with you too, can't I, Quincel? I haven't yet enjoyed the taste of Valerian."

"Of course, my dear." Quincel's smile was all charm, and I wondered if only I could see the slime underneath. "I've secured the entirety of the house for the honor and pleasure of Lady Rachelle and her guests. But forgive my uncouth assumption, Nelson. Clearly you would have no desire to visit the house your mother once served?"

I felt my blood boil and fought to keep smiling. "On the contrary, I've already asked Duchess Shahrizai to arrange an assignation at the house for me." Then, feeling a sudden urge to twist the knife, I added pointedly, "A fortunate benefit of enjoying the friendship of such a powerful household, as I'm sure you well know."

"Spoken like a true friend of my cousin," Suriah said with an easy smile, though I could see a cunning pleasure flash in her blue eyes. "Come, Nelson. You must help me spirit our guest of honor away. You can ride with us in my carriage."

"It would be an honor and a privilege, my lady," I responded, and followed her away.

Despite my words, the brief encounter with Quincel had left my heart racing, adrenaline pumping through my veins and sobering me far more than I wished to be. I caught up another goblet of wine and drained it as we made our way to Rachelle's side, joined by a few other of the cousins. Rachelle, well expecting the deed, put up a laughing and playful fight but allowed us to blindfold her and carry her out of the manor to the waiting carriage, heading away along the winding roads up Mont Nuit.

I wasn't sure what I expected of Valerian house. It certainly wasn't what I saw. While the entrance was a long drive behind a gate, the house secured and shrowded by trees, that was where the modesty ended. Young apprentices met us in the courtyard dressed only in the thinnest of robes and sandals, eyes downcast and trembling as if already anticipating the lash. And when they took us inside... ah Elua!

The receiving room of Valerian, though decadent and opulent, made the purpose of the house clear. Richly painted murals and delicate tapestries portrayed profane scenes of violent hedonism, of hellenic gods committing heresy on frightened young men and women, of bound, terrified youths being punished by goddesses that were both beautiful and terrible. I felt bile rise in my throat and caught up an offered glass of wine gladly. I'd taken comfort in the Duchess Shahrizai's words of Kushiel's love, but now I found myself questioning them. How could anyone find love in _this_?

"You don't have to stay here if you don't want to." Joe's voice was low beside me. "I can ask my driver to take you to any other house of the night court. On me."

Pushing aside my wave of uncertainty, I forced a smile that I hoped was more confident than I felt. "I'm fine," I said, moving past him and into the showing room, finding a seat in the second row of the red plush benches, close enough to another group of patrons that there wasn't room for him to join me. The last thing I wanted was to have to worry about his expectations as I sat through this.

The showing room was dark apart from a few shaded lamps along the walls, and four along the stage. It lit the area with a bright glow, and even behind the curtains of gauze that hung in front of it the setup was unmistakable. A black rack was set against the back of the stage, wooden beams in the shape of an X, beside which hung a variety of implements - paddles and whips and flails. Before that was a tall, black padded leather bench with a strange footrest that ran around the edge, what looked like leather cuffs dangling from it. My mind returned to Quincel de Morhban's hissed words, and my throat went dry.

The showing... was at once much of what I feared and all that I desired.

As we settled, a young woman appeared naked on stage, and sank fluidly to her knees facing one side of it, her head bowed to let soft brown hair fall into her face. There was a beautiful control to her form, the way she knelt, thighs spread wide and hands clasped behind her back, putting herself on display. I could see the tension in her form, the way that she trembled. I found myself anxious that I would be forced to witness a false portrayal of heresy like the scenes on the tapestries, but when a man finally joined her and ran a hand over her hair her tension broke visibly, her relief and eagerness to submit startlingly beautiful. 

The man, a blond adept from Mandrake house, was beautiful, with perfectly sculpted form, the lines of his completed marque - curls of a leather whip twined with the sharp-edged petals of mandrake flowers - was bold and beautiful across his broad shoulders. He had none what had disgusted me in Quincel de Morhban; when he touched the Valerian adept it was with strength and love and respect, giving her orders in low tones that made something deep inside me ache with wanting. He took control of her as they begun their showing, instructing her how to worship his body in the _arousement_ , then tangling his fingers in her hair and pushing his cock into her mouth to begin the _languisement_. I'd been so worried that the showing would seem like heresy, but the Valerian adept's pleasure at his control was unmistakable, and when he ordered her to drape herself backwards over the padded bench she did so gladly, spreading her thighs to allow him to return the pleasure, the soft feathered locks of his hair falling forward onto her thighs, shielding her sex from view.

When he took up the flail I felt myself grow tense again, but he began his assault on her with teasing gentleness, letting the strands fall and stroke across her skin, flicking the leather lightly against her hard nipples and the inside of her thighs. Even when she began begging for more he continued the tease until she was near sobbing, and when he finally ordered her to turn over she did so with tearful gratefulness, draping her form along the top of the bench and sliding her hands and feet into the leather restraints, thanking him profusely as he tightened them to restrain her.

As the showing continued, the naked, subservient adepts of Valerian house brought us wine and small delicacies, not resisting when my companions began to pull them down to perch on their laps. I saw Quincel de Morhban bring a young man man and a woman over to Rachelle where she sat in the front row, and she seemed pleased by their attentions. I managed to wave off everything but the wine, drinking deeply as I watched the Mandrake adept on stage begin to spank the Valerian, raining blows from the flail over her skin, slowly growing harder. I expected her to gasp and cry, but her pleasure was unmistakable, undulating under him and grinding her pubis against the leather bench as he switched to a leather paddle, spanking her until her skin turned red. The gauze curtains had all been drawn away by that point, and I could see how wet she was when he finally he gave into her pleas and took her, sinking easily up to the hilt. His hips smacked into the softness of her rump as he began to use her, driving breathless cries of pleasure from her lips, and when the finally found their climax together I found myself achingly hard and wanting, far more envious of the woman on stage than I ever thought I could be.

As the gauze curtains lowered on the stage, the Valerian adepts began to draw members of our party to their feet - first Rachelle, laughing and pleased by her two adepts, and then others. I caught sight of Joe with a beautiful blond, then looked away, not wanting to interrupt his pleasure but unsure of what to do with myself. On the stage, the two adepts were still curled together, and I felt another rush of envy at the gentle care the Mandrake adept showed to his partner, his soft touch and sweet kisses. But I couldn't imagine myself dominating one of the Valerian adepts as I'd seen the man him do. Perhaps I should have taken Joe's offer to go to another house.

"Is there no-one here to your liking, Nelson?" Quincel de Morhban's voice was low and smooth as he stepped into the row in front of me, and I didn't resist as he reached out to cup my cheek, forcing my gaze to his. "I must admit, I was rather surprised when you agreed to join us. I really didn't think Valerian house would be to your taste. But perhaps you wanted to learn more of the life your mother led?" His thumb caressed my cheek, moving to stroke over my lips, and I pressed them firmly together, trying to force down the shiver that threatened to well up from the pit of my stomach.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," Quincel murmured, voice low and husky, tingling down my spine. "Come to bed with me, Nelson. Every adept here pales compared to you. Let me teach you of Kushiel's pleasures."

I felt myself tremble against his hand as if I was no different than the adepts of the house, felt the traitorous heat of desire well hot in my veins along with my anger. I hated him for making me feel like this, and hated myself more for feeling it. But gods, how my body wanted what he spoke of! For a moment helplessness and rage warred within me, hot tears burning at the corners of my eyes - I ought to say no, I ought to pull away, but as he leaned closer I found myself yielding, tilting my face up, craving the force of his kisses. Perhaps it was inevitable, giving in to him.

Perhaps he'd been right. Perhaps this is all I was.

"Pardon me, my lord. But I have been contracted to serve Lord de Corbeau tonight."

The man I heard speak behind me was unfamiliar, but I could have sobbed in relief at the interruption. Quincel's fingers tightened on my chin. "Your services are not needed, Adept. Go away."

"Forgive my insistence," the man said again, stepping close and laying a hand on Quincel's chest. "The Duchess Shahrizai was quite specific in her instruction. But if my lord insists, I can certainly tell her that you circumvented her wishes...."

Quincel gave a low growl in his throat, stepping back. "Not my wishes. Nelson's wishes. Nelson, tell him."

The interruption was enough to clear my head. I drew a soft breath and met his gaze. "Not my wishes," I said, hearing my voice come more certain than I'd imagined I was able. Then I rose to my feet, looking up into the face of my rescuer for the first time. A man, perhaps a year or so older than me, with warm grey eyes and soft brown hair. He wasn't naked as the other Valerian adepts had been, instead wearing a short, pearl grey silk robe that brought out his eyes. He had a quiet sense of strength and confidence about him that soothed my fears more. 

"Nelson, you try my patience..." I heard Quincel growl warningly.

I stalwartly ignored him, smiling instead to the gray-eyed adept. "I welcome my lady's generosity and your services gladly, adept. Please lead the way."

"With pleasure," he replied, lifting my hand to his lips before blessedly drawing me from the showing room.

As we moved through the halls of Valerian house I could hear the sounds of both pleasure and pain, and started to worry again how I was to perform with this adept. I half expected him to take me to a dungeon set up like the stage had been, but the room he took me to was simple and comfortable, bearing only a plush leather sofa set with cushions, and a large, comfortable looking bed.

Stepping around me to shut the door, the adept returned to stand in front of me, taking both my hands. "My name is David. You may call me Dave, if you like," he said, with the same, low calmness he'd used before, settling my anxieties more. "And as I mentioned, the Duchess Shahrizai secured my services tonight. But I want to be clear with you that you are under no obligation to accept them, my lord. Anything that happens tonight is by your will, and about you. I will not seek to pressure you into something that will not please you, as the young Lord de Morhban wishes to."

I swallowed hard, feeling the back of my neck heat; clearly the Lady Shahrizai had told him her concerns, and secured him to make sure I was taken care of. "I appreciate that," I said softly, looking away from the warmth in his grey eyes with a rush of self-consciousness. "I... don't feel like myself when I'm around him," I found myself admitting. "I'm not sure I can trust my own mind."

"To press such an advantage is a terrible breach of Naamah's trust," he said quietly, squeezing my hands. "You should never feel unsafe in love. If you'd like... I can help you to feel safe, Nelson."

The thought of such a thing was nearly enough to make a sob escape my throat. I swallowed it down, realizing I was clutching his hands too tightly and not able to make myself stop. "I'm sorry," I whispered, shaking my head. "I don't think I can dominate you. I..."

"You don't need to," he murmured, and as he stepped into me I sagged into the warmth of his body with a soft sob, unable to keep myself from trembling any longer. Dave made a soft, soothing noise, stroking his fingers over my hair, down my back. "It's alright, Nelson. Just let go. You're safe here. Your pleasure is safe here. Naamah would never ask you to be anything you didn't want to be."

"I wanted it," I whispered, feeling hot tears escape my eyes. "Everything he said sounded so terrible. But when he touched me I just wanted to give into him despite how much I hate him, and I - I hate myself for it!"

"Shhh," Dave murmured, cupping my face in his hands. His lips were gentle against my forehead, warm and soft. "You have no reason to be ashamed of your desires, or your anger. No one should ever seek to take advantage of you." His fingers were gentle, his caresses soothing, and before I could stop myself I was arching up to kiss him, trembling and desperate with my need.

Dave gave a low, soothing hum into my mouth, responding to my need but making no move to escalate, not stopping his soothing caress of my hair, my back. He didn't stop until I could breathe again, then moved to kiss my ear, enfolding me in his arms, warm and secure. "Will you allow me to please you, Nelson? I'd very much like to."

I swallowed hard, wanting very much to turn myself over to his gentle care. "I don't think I can dominate you," I whispered again, and Dave gave another soothing hum.

"Then I shall make love to you, if that's what you would like." He drew back, brushing a kiss to the corner of my lips, grey eyes meeting mine. "Can you trust me to give you what you want, Nelson?"

Already he'd rescued me from what I feared most, shown me nothing but kindness and comfort. "Please," I whispered, and gave myself over to him in a rush of relief.

Compared to what I'd seen in the other Valerian adepts, Dave was somehow exactly what I needed. He undressed me with studious care, laying me back onto the bed and climbing over me with a beautiful confidence and sensuality that made my blood run hot. I was still aroused from the showing, but he didn't hurry our union, worshiping my skin with kisses before finally bending to take my cock in his mouth. I'd heard tell of the skills of the night court but I'd never believed it until then; every fumbled tryst I'd had in the past paled in the face of his skill, the pleasure of his mouth on my cock as he worked slick fingers up into me with skilled exactness, driving pleasure through me until I was begging for more.

Dave released my cock with a low moan, still moving his fingers inside me slowly as his breath teased against my heated skin. "More, my lord? Tell me what you want of me."

"Please take me," I gasped, squirming, trying to push down onto his fingers. "Gods, I need you inside me, please...."

He pulled my knees up to my chest, fluid but sudden, pressing close to claim my mouth as he pressed his hips against me. I could feel the girth of his cock nestle between my ass cheeks, far thicker than I'd anticipated, and I found myself nearly desperate for it. "Please," I gasped, trying to writhe under him, groaning at the press of his shaft against my ass. "David, please fuck me, please - "

"Shh, darling," he murmured, kissing away my words as he reached for the dish of oil beside the bed, slicking himself. Then he was pressing into me, stretching me open with gentle insistence, pleasure crawling up my spine as my body yielded to the impossible girth of his cock, to the exquisite mix of discomfort and pleasure that crawled up my spine. 

I gave a sobbing cry at how good it was, fingers scrambling for purchase at the shoulders of his robe, trying to pull him closer to me and rock up into the pleasure of his cock at once. Dave gave a low, soothing noise, catching my hands and pulling them away from him. "Just relax, sweetheart," he murmured as his fingers closed around my wrists, pressing them back into the pillows beside my head. "Let me do all the work, alright? Just relax and let me give you what you need."

Inexplicably, I found myself doing as he said, relaxing under him, crying out at the rush of pleasure as rocked deeper, the girth of his cock pressing up against my sweet spot. He rocked against me slowly, knowing perfectly how to drive that pleasure through me until I felt I might go mad with it, trembling and sobbing under him from the intensity of it. "Please," I gasped, the words spilling from my lips without thought, begging for him as the adept on stage had begged for her master. "Please fuck me, sir. Please fuck me hard, please take your pleasure of me....!"

"Gods, I'll take such pleasure of you...." Dave captured my mouth with a groan, licking past my lips, claiming me with a sudden surge of dominance. He pulled back to look at me as he began to move in me harder, resting his weight on his hands where they pinned mine to the mattress. It sent a rush of heat through me, a wonderful sense of yielding, of giving myself over to the pleasure of his control. It was everything I'd craved when Quincel had touched me, but I'd chosen this, and before I knew it I was weeping from the joy of it.

"Beautiful Nelson," Dave murmured, leaning in to kiss the path of my tears. "That's it... just feel, darling... you're so perfect, so beautiful... gods, you feel so good around my cock....!"

I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt so overwhelmed with pleasure, so helpless to the build of my own passion, and though I never wanted it to end I knew I wouldn't last long. "Please use me for your pleasure," I gasped, biting back a cry as his hips stuttered up into me. "Gods, David, please - !"

Dave groaned, his mouth hot on my jaw, teeth nipping at my earlobe as the buck of his hips jarred my body. "This what you wanted, sweetheart? Just wanted me to take control of your pleasure, didn't you? Wanted to give in and... and let yourself feel so good... give in and come on my cock, baby, come on sweetheart... give me your pleasure, come for me...!"

The command in his words shuddered through me, driving the last shards of control from me. I arched up into the push of his cock with a gasping cry and felt my pleasure crest, bright hot and intense. In the rush of sensation I heard Dave groan, low and approving, murmuring encouragements against my ear as his hips stuttered up into me, flooding me with heat and an intense feeling of satisfaction, beautiful and complete.

I kept my eyes closed as the rush of orgasm faded, feeling like I was floating in a sea of bliss, all the tension and worry I'd felt washed away in the strength of Dave's care. I felt his lips press to my forehead, my face, murmuring soft praise as his fingers rubbed gently at my wrists where he'd held them. "My sweet darling... you're so wonderful, Nelson, Naamah is so pleased... I'm so blessed to have you, to see you submit to your passion...."

It felt good, hearing him say such things, and I turned my face up to offer my mouth, drinking in the sweetness of his kisses. As my pulse slowed, my thoughts turned to how the man on stage had cared for the Valerian adept after their showing, and the truth of our situation struck me. I reclaimed a hand to stroke my fingers through his hair, eyes fluttering open to look up at him as he drew back. "... you're not a Valerian adept, are you?"

Dave turned his face to kiss my wrist, but his grey eyes didn't leave mine. "No. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to deceive you, but... it seemed prudent to allow the deception in front of de Morhban."

I felt a shiver run through me, and stroked my fingers down the back of his neck, stroking under the neckline of undone the robe he still wore and over his back. "Let me see your marque."

"Of course," Dave replied quietly. "But I want you to know that nothing I've said to you in here has been a lie, Nelson. My pleasure and my purpose is only to give you what you need. To serve you and help you feel safe in your desires."

I remembered the touch of the lash on the skin of the Valerian adept in the showing and shivered more, feeling my eyes burn with tears. "To whip me," I whispered, and Dave gave a soft moan of dismay.

He eased away from me gently, and despite the whirlwind of my emotions I gave a soft sob at the feeling of loss without him inside me. But then he was cuddling me close, drawing me against his chest and enfolding me in his arms. He pressed a kiss to my hair, to the corner of my eye, fingers stroking gently up and down my spine. "Shhh, sweetheart. I will never, never give you anything you cannot bear or do not desire. I swear to you. If all you want is the pleasure we just shared, then I will give that to you happily - tonight, tomorrow, any time you wish to return to me. If you wish to explore more, then I will do whatever I can to gain your trust, to help you feel safe in getting what you need from me. I will never be cruel or selfish with you. I swear it, darling."

I swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, aching with the desire to believe him. "Why are you so kind to me?" I whispered, and Dave pulled back to kiss me, fingers stroking my cheeks, my hair.

"Because it fulfils me," he whispered, breath soft against my lips. "To honor Naamah, to give Her an offering of pleasure in giving you pleasure. And to honor Kushiel, with the purest form of His love." He drew back to hold my gaze at that, grey eyes serious. "I know you have seen much that has given you cause to mistrust the Rite of Mandrake. But I swear to you, Nelson, that I will help you find nothing but joy in your desires, if you let me."

How could I do anything but believe him, after the care he'd taken with me? "I'd like to stay," I whispered, and Dave smiled, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

"Then we will stay," he murmured. "We will stay, and find rest, and in the morning I will make love to you again, sweetheart. Unless you would like to begin exploring something else."

I swallowed, mind reeling, trying to unpack my desires. What was it about Quincel's words and actions that had awoken that terrible desire in me, and what did I truly want? What did I need, to feel free from the temptations he lorded over me?

"I liked being held down when you took me. I... would like to feel even more helpless to you," I murmured finally, keeping my eyes closed and burrowing my face into his chest. "I want you to take control of me for your pleasure. Not... not to play at heresy, but...."

"I understand," Dave murmured, fingers gentle on my hair. "You want to be a willing slave. You want to revel in the arousal you feel at the thought of serving my pleasure."

"Yes," I breathed, the exhaled word a glorious relief. "And... and I think a little pain. Your teeth, but only where people can't see. And maybe..." I swallowed hard, feeling my cheeks burn. "Maybe when you think I'm ready, I... I would like to taste a little of what I saw in the showing today."

"I'd like that very much," Dave murmured, sending warmth and relief through me at the approval in his voice. "You'll need a _signale_ , darling... no, two, I think. The first will be written into our contract. A word of safety, one that you can use if you need everything to stop, if you need to go back to being cared for like I'm caring for you now. Can you think of one?"

The existence of such a thing made me relax more, and it was easy to think of. "Free," I murmured, and felt Dave's lips on my hair again.

"Free," he repeated. "Free, and I will stop. Now I will ask for a second, for when you need to pause. I will always do my best to read you, but to give you what you have asked for I can't risk unknowingly pushing you too far or too fast."

"Bright," I replied after a moment, and heard his hum of approval.

"Bright. And I will pause, so that we can speak freely of your desires, and I can adjust to best meet your needs, my darling."

He spoke with such kindness, and it was such a relief to allow myself to believe him that suddenly I felt exhausted. It had been a lot, getting here, dealing with Quincel. Allowing myself to open up.

"Sleep," Dave murmured softly, fingers gentle on my skin. "Rest, sweetheart. I'll still be here in the morning."

~~~


	3. Chapter 3

I awoke the next morning to the warmth of another's body pressed against my back, rousing me from sleep with touch that was unmistakably sensual. As a hand stroked down to curl around my half-hard cock I felt a shock of confusion and half-panic, but then the memories of the night before came back in a rush, bringing a hot pulse of arousal with them.

_Dave._

Dave started to trail urgent kisses along my shoulder and up the side of my neck, teasing the tender skin gently with his teeth. His hips rolled against my ass, the wonderful thickness of his erection sliding over my hole, and I whimpered at the sensation, still half disoriented by sleep and the strength of my desire.

"Here's what's going to happen," he murmured, breath hot against my ear as he gave a stuttered thrust against my ass. "I want you. So I'm going to take you, Nelson. And you're not going to come until I give you permission. Do you understand me?"

The desire that spiked in me at the thought of such a thing was so much of what I'd wanted that I nearly sobbed in relief. "Yes, my lord," I gasped, and was rewarded with a low, pleased groan, with a light nip to my earlobe as his thumb teased the head of my cock.

"Good boy."

I supposed that it was, in the grand scheme of things, quite a mundane way to spend time with an adept of Mandrake. But it meant the world to me to give into him, to trust him, to let him own and guide and control my pleasure as we made love. When I felt him come inside me, I felt a kind of pride that I'd never known, barely managing to cling to my own self control as he stuttered deep, gasping his pleasure against my skin. With his next breath he ordered my release from me, and as my pleasure crested it felt as though it took my uncertainties with me and left warmth behind, and I wept at the relief of it.

It took some time to calm, even enfolded in the safety of Dave's arms. But I felt freer, after it was over, relaxed from a tension I hadn't known I was holding.

"Thank you," I said finally, safe in the warmth of his grey eyes. "I... didn't realize how much I needed that. Could I... could I perhaps see you again?"

Dave smoothed a strand of my hair back from my forehead, his smile warm. "Of course. You're welcome at Mandrake house anytime you wish, sweetheart. The Duchess Shahrizai made it quite clear that you were to be taken care of any time you sought us out, for as long as you were in the city."

Despite the affection in his words, something about the thought of it made my stomach twist. I had no doubt that the anonymity of Mandrake house was maintained as strictly as it was here, so I couldn't explain why the thought of choosing to go there unsettled me so. I swallowed. "And if... if I wanted to meet you here instead?"

Dave regarded me for a moment, quiet and thoughtful, and though I belatedly worried that I might have caused him offense with the question he showed no sign of it. "I will agree to meet you here once more," he said finally, "but I must ask you to give me something in return."

"Anything," I promised before I could question myself, and the smile Dave gave me seemed somehow sad.

He trailed a fingertip over the side of my face, stroking back my hair. "My sweet sunshine," he murmured softly. "You're so tangled up inside. Will you tell me why you're so afraid to seek the pleasure you crave?"

For a moment I struggled. Not with the idea - I wanted to tell him, I realized. But with the truth of the matter. Was it still the disgust I'd felt at the thought of submitting to Quincel? Was that the base of my fear?

"I... I'm not entirely sure," I said finally. "There are many things at play. My mother... my mother was an adept of Valerian. I only found out recently. I'm not sure that I understand it, I'm not sure how to come to terms with it. She... there was a feud of some kind, for her affections. Between my father and Quincel's... Lord de Morhban, the man who was... the one you saw me with last night. He...." I stopped, and drew a deep breath. Then suddenly it was all tumbling out - how he'd revealed my heritage to me, how he'd wanted to master me, to make me kneel to him. The humiliating mix of desire and repulsion he made me feel. The worry that the history of my family would mean an unwanted reputation I would never be able to escape.

Through it Dave was silent, but gave a soft, understanding hum when I stopped. "Tangled up indeed," he murmured, not stopping his gentle caress of my hair. "If I may suggest... perhaps it is not the thought of kneeling that frightens you, but that it is tied to thoughts of him. Perhaps he is more what frightens you."

"I'm not afraid of him," I growled in a sudden surge of anger. "He's a rude, slimey jerkass who doesn't give a fuck about me! He only wants - " my words stumbled to a halt as his meaning came clear, an understanding that nearly drove all other thoughts from my head.

Dave said nothing, but smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to my forehead before rising.

He'd slipped out of his robe some time in the night, and I admired the design of his completed marque for the first time as he moved to the washbasin in an alcove of the room. I found myself pondering the lines of the whip, the curls of leather gentle and docile amongst the bloom of the Mandrake flowers. He wasn't what I'd expected, not at all. And perhaps that was what the Duchess had wanted me to learn.

I let him wash me, help me dress, not speaking, and Dave seemed to sense my need to be alone with my thoughts. When I was dressed I placed a purse of coins in the hands of Naamah that sat on a shelf near the door, rather wishing I'd brought more for my offering. But there would be next time. I could cling to that.

Swallowing hard, I looked up at him, throat aching at the fond smile he gave me in return. It was stupid of me to ask, but... "David," I whispered. "Do you... could you care for me?"

I hadn't thought he could look any more handsome, but warmth infused his gaze, his smile. He stepped into me, cupping my face in his hands and pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, my nose, my lips.

"I care for you very much, sweetheart," he said softly, and I felt a rush of warmth run through me.

"Then I'll come back soon," I whispered, and in a rush of gratitude caught one of his hands and bowed over it, pressing a kiss to the back.

"I'll look forward to it very much," Dave replied, and I felt his other hand touch my hair gently. "Come. I'll show you out."

I'd wanted to thank him again, but when we reached the main reception room of Valerian he seemed to vanish away before I could stop him. I only had a moment of dismay before spotting Joe, rising from his recline on a sofa with a glass of white wine in hand, his blue eyes merry.

"Ah, so you were in the patron rooms. Too worn out to go home, hm? Don't lie, Nelson, I know that look in your eye."

"It was a really good night," I replied truthfully, and felt the words come easily, infused with the languid sense of wellbeing that I could still feel in my bones. 

"Good." Joe drained his glass and started for the door. "Well, if you come back I've left instruction that you are to be allowed access to the Shahrizai's private dungeon, should it not be in use." He looked well pleased himself, smile widening as he turned to motion me into his carriage ahead of him. "I really am glad you had a good time."

"Aren't we waiting for Rachelle?"

He shook his head. "She left in the wee hours of the morning, most of us did. I promised mother I'd come back and see you safely home." As we settled in the carriage he leaned across the space between the benches almost conspiratorially. "They kicked someone out last night, you know. You must have missed the kerfuffle. Haven't been able to figure out who or why yet, but there's only a few reasons for it."

Somehow I thought of Quincel; my mouth went dry. "The _signale_?"

Joe gave a hum of agreement. "Well, if someone's that amatuer it's best they're banned from the house. Maybe even the entire Night Court." He smirked to himself as he leaned back against the seat. 

"Do you mind if I go home with you?" I asked him. "I'd... like to thank your mother, if she's taking visitors. She... gave me some sound advice."

Joe nodded, and the conversation fell to our impressions of the party at de Morhban's, easy and casual.

When we stepped out at House Shahrizai I was surprised to see a second carriage waiting at the door. Moments later, the Duchess emerged, smiling as she saw us. She stepped away to give Joe a kiss of greeting, then myself. "Good morning, my dears. Did you have a good time at the party?"

"Fantastic," Joe replied, and I nodded.

"I was hoping to have a word with you, ah - " I glanced at the carriage. "On your return...?"

"I'm on my way to the palace," she replied. "Come, we can speak on the way and I'll have the driver take you home after."

I nodded, following her inside, waiting until the stagehand had shut the door. Perhaps in any other circumstance I ought to have been angry at her for interfering in something I'd already turned down, but... "Thank you," I said frankly. "I... fear I would have found myself in a very regrettable situation without your contract last night. I appreciate it. Will you allow me to repay you?"

The Duchess looked quietly pleased, leaning back in her seat by the coach window. "Of course not, dear. I told you that I would sponsor your visit, and Mandrake has been more than happy to oblige me. I hope you were able to see some of what I'd spoken of first hand?"

I thought of Dave's warmth, and what she'd said of the love of Kushiel. I swallowed, and nodded. "I think I'd like to learn more. But... it isn't like that for Valerian adepts, is it? They're there for the patron's pleasure, not their own." I thought of the sounds of pain I'd heard and shivered.

"There are patrons who understand the intense pleasure of forming a close relationship with an adept," she replied, her expression still calm with the same quiet satisfaction. "To truly master someone with more than just a whip or a flail, to master them because they desire it.... I daresay there is nothing more satisfying for one of my blood with the patience to pursue it. But there is pleasure in the casual, too. There are many patrons who go to Mandrake house because they wish for a challenge, they wish to have their limits pushed, and they find an intense pleasure in that. Satisfaction can be found in many forms of submission. It is the same for the adepts of Valerian."

The thought of such things awoke complicated feelings in me, but when I thought of Dave I felt reassured, felt none of the shame or disgust I felt over Quincel. "Perhaps in time I will come to understand," I murmured, and she gave a hum of acknowledgement.

"I've left standing instruction at Mandrake that you are to be welcomed any time while you remain in the city this winter, as my guest," she replied. "I hope you'll find time to take advantage of it?"

I managed a small nod. "My Lady, truly... it's too much. You've already shown me such hospitality...." I felt my stomach twist. "Forgive me if I question the reasons for such kindness. Surely...."

"Many reasons. House Shahrizai strongly believes that children should be able to make their own way in the world, on their own merit and, if they wish, without history hanging over their head. I respect your desire for that, as much as I find myself feeling fondness for the spark of your mother's spirit that you carry, and the challenge you give my children. Beyond that..." she paused, regarding me for a long moment, as if deciding your words. "I knew your father well, and owed him a great favor when he died. So consider this some of the repayment." She reached across the carriage to pat my knee gently, then rose as it stopped, letting the coachman help her out.

It gave me a lot to wonder about on my way home.

There was part of me that wanted to return to Valerian house as soon as I could arrange it, and I forced myself to hold off for the sake of prudence and self-restraint. I had a number of dinner invitations arrive that day, including a rather urgent one from Quincel, which I threw in the fireplace. The others I weighed carefully, using the experience I'd gained in Joe's company and from my time at University to choose wisely which to accept.

Then I allowed myself to write a letter to Mandrake.

~~~

Returning to Valerian was easy, and as I stepped out of the carriage I felt only gladness, and none of the trepidation I'd felt the first time I arrived. I smiled to the young woman who met me, allowing her to lead me deeper into the house, down and down until she finally took a bright key on a velvet cord from her bodice and unlocked a door bearing the emblem of House Shahrizai, showing me into a grand, richly furnished parlour.

I'm not sure precisely what I expected, and found myself marveling somewhat. Not at the luxury - I'd come to expect that, from my friends - nor the impeccably cared for implements of torture and pleasure so openly on display. It was more the mix of the two, and the fact that the room was clearly meant for both entertaining and sex. Was it really common to entertain such pleasure openly? The thought of someone watching me made me anxious in a way I didn't particularly enjoy.

"Nelson."

I turned at the sound of Dave's voice, bowing low, my mouth suddenly dry. "My lord. Thank you for blessing me with your company."

"I'm pleased to see you again so soon," he said, hand cupping my cheek, urging me to straighten. He was dressed, this time, in fine, dark linen breeches and a shirt of blue-grey, beautiful and imposing at once. But his grey eyes were warm, and he smiled softly as our gaze met. "Would you still like me to instruct you in the ways of submission, sweetheart?"

Even such a simple touch made me feel slightly dizzy, bit it was in a most delightful way. I swallowed hard. "Please."

"Good." He leaned in briefly, lips brushing my forehead, then stepped back. "I'd like you to undress for me, Nelson."

I glanced around the open parlour. "... here?"

"Of course." He stepped back to sink down onto one of the velvet couches, crossing one leg over the other with an easy grace. He'd been carrying a small box, and set it beside him on the cushion. "There won't be anyone here but us. But I'd like to look at you. Will you give me that, Nelson?"

Heart pounding, I nodded, then began to undo my doublet.

I wasn't sure what it was about undressing in front of him that left my heart pounding and my knees slightly weak. I'd had servants help me dress before, I was no stranger to it and felt no self consciousness in my body. Perhaps it was the look in his eyes, the calm approval mixed with unmistakable appreciation. Perhaps it was my own memories of his touch, how much I craved for more.

Finishing, I set the last of my clothes aside and sank to my knees unprompted, bowing my head. I saw Dave shift out the corner of my eye, sitting up, and felt his touch on my hair. "I didn't ask you to kneel."

I swallowed hard, hearing soft chastisement in his tone, but not disapproval. "Forgive me, my lord. I... I wanted to."

"Then I will allow it this time," he replied, fingers gentle on the back of my neck. "But you must await my instruction from now on. Do you understand?"

I felt a shiver run through me at the idea. "Yes, my lord."

"Good." he straightened more, bringing the toe of his boot to nudge my knees apart. "I will show you the proper form. Wider, sweetheart, wider - yes." I felt more self-conscious, already half-hard, spreading my thighs so wide I could feel my muscles twitch and complain. Dave's fingers tightened in my hair, pulling my head back gently, and I let him arrange me. "Shoulders back, clasp your hands behind your back - yes, like that. Good. You will display yourself like this when I ask you to. Will you do that for me?"

"Yes," I whispered, and he smiled, his thumb brushing my lips.

"Such an eager little thing," he murmured softly, and then leaned forward to kiss me.

I whimpered into his mouth - I couldn't help it. I wanted to be close to him again, to feel the warmth and strength of his body. But I held the position he'd directed, trembling as I did.

"Good boy," he murmured again, warm and approving, smiling as he drew back, caressing my cheek. "How much do you want to learn today?"

I took a moment to consider it, glancing out into the room, to the racks and the manacles among the luxurious parlour furniture, to the display case of gleaming, perfectly maintained torture elements. "I... would like to learn whatever you think I am ready for, my lord." I managed to answer finally, and heard Dave gave a soft, pleased hum.

His thumb brushed my lips. "I'd like to make love to you," he said, a soft huskiness to his voice that made my cock jerk with arousal. "And I think you're ready for a taste of pain, sweetheart. I'd like to push you just a little. But no more than you can bear. Do you assent?"

It was hard not to be nervous among so many implements of pain. But I swallowed, and forced myself to nod.

"Good," Dave purred, and the caress of his fingers moved down to the nape of my neck, massaging gently. "I'll let you choose, then, sweetheart. You can either stand and lean over that pommel horse, or you can kneel over my lap. Choose now."

I glanced up at the dark leather piece of furniture he'd indicated, considering it for a moment. It was easy to think of the showing, to think of the pleasure I'd seen the young adept find, draped over it. But the alternative.... I wet my lips, turning my gaze up to him. "My lord... if I choose your lap now, will you... will you take me over the horse?"

I could see his approval in his expression even before he spoke. "Of course, sweetheart. Come here, now.

It was strange, to move to kneel over his lap when he was still dressed and I was naked. Still, I did as he asked, letting him adjust me, shifting me forward until I was resting my weight on my forearms on the couch, feeling rather off-balance with my ass in the air, my half-hard cock pressing into the smooth fabric of his breeches. I wasn't sure what to expect, but found the unknowing surprisingly exciting, my breath coming harder as Dave's hands smoothed slowly over my form. His hands mapped my back and shoulders and spine, cupping and squeezing my ass, stroking my thighs. It felt incredible, to have his hands on me, fingers finally pressing between my thighs to tease over my sack and the soft skin behind, then lightly brushing over the sensitive pucker of my hole.

I bit my lip on a moan, trying not to writhe and hearing Dave give another pleased hum. "Normally I would make a patron be silent," he mused, fingertip teasing slow circles against me. "I think you'd do better at the opposite. If you like, you may speak, but only to beg. I give no guarantee that I will do what you ask for. But I think I'd like to hear you, Nelson.

I exhaled in a soft, relieved sob. It was hard not to squirm on his lap when I ached for sensation, my cock unmistakably hard against his thigh. "David, please...."

"So desperate already, baby?" His free hand stroked through my hair as one finger pressed into me lightly, dry, and despite the discomfort I squirmed into it. He gave a soft chuckle, pulling it away, and I groaned as I felt him drizzle oil down the crack of my ass. 

What pressed against me next was cool and hard, and I thought to the carved phalluses and plugs I'd seen on display and moaned. "Oh yes, please...."

"Such a good boy," Dave murmured, teasing and stroking me with the tip of it, finally starting to work it into me. "It's just a little plug for now, baby. Just a little bit of sensation for you, for being such a good boy." Then, as he seated it inside me, he drew his hand back and delivered a smack to the fleshy part of my ass.

"Oh!" For a moment the shock of it overwhelmed any pain or sensation, and I realized what he intended. But what had I expected, when I'd draped myself over his lap? But I'd never been spanked or caned as a child, partly because my mother always seemed to have much more effective punishment, and I felt my cheeks heat. "...oh."

Dave's hand rubbed over my ass where he struck it, then delivered another swat. Not hard, but it stung somewhat, and the sound of his hand connecting with my flesh made a satisfying smack. His fingers rubbed into my skin. "There's three reasons to deliver a punishment," he told me, voice low and calm. "The first is because it pleases me, which, sweetheart, it always will. The second...." he delivered two more swats in rapid succession, one to each cheek, and I tried not to squirm, breath coming harder.

"The second is to punish you, because you've been naughty or displeased me. Some patrons like very much to play at that, to recount their sins like they're seeking atonement from Kushiel...." He delivered another swat - two - three - stinging more now, pausing to gently rub the sting of it into my skin. "But that's not my preference. I need you to know, Nelson... " two more swats. "When I do this to you... if I do more to you, anything I do to you...." he continued to deliver firm blows between words as he spoke. "Is because I care for you. Because I want you reward you... I want you to feel, baby... because I want to take away everything that bothers you... give you the release of sensation and pleasure...."

I could feel the skin of my ass grow warm, the swats undeniably painful now, hard enough that they made the carved plug in my ass shift inside me in a surprisingly delightful way. My cock, trapped against his thigh, was painfully hard, but my mind reeled, not quite sure how to react. "David...."

His fingers tugged at the base of the plug, shifting and teasing it inside me. "There's a test that every adept here must pass, before they can serve Naamah. Each is given a spiced candy, sweet and hot, so hot that it hurts the tongue. A taste of pleasure and pain combined. The realization that pain can be oh so sweet...." He delivered a few more hard blows, and I cried out at the bright-hot sensation it sent through me, whimpering as he stroked and rubbed my hot skin. "Do you understand it now, sweetheart?"

I squirmed over his lap, grinding my cock into his thigh. "Yes. Yes, I... I think so."

"Good boy," he murmured, low and warm. He pressed his free hand between my shoulders, stroking my skin. "I know this is new to you, sweetheart. There are such places I could take you... I will take you, when you're ready. For now...." He started to strike me again, hard and stinging and unrelenting, and in moments I was writhing helplessly, grinding against his thigh and arching up into the blows, not trying to hold back my cries at the stinging hot intensity of each blow.

"Gods, you're so beautiful...." Dave's breath came satisfyingly laboured. He raked his nails down over one ass cheek, sharp pain flaring bright, and I cried out, writhing helplessly.

"Elua, please! Gods, David please - please, more, anything, please....!"

"So beautiful when you beg," he growled, and though he struck me harder it only made me feel more desperate, crying out with the intensity of it. "Tell me what you need, baby."

"You," I gasped without hesitation. "I need your huge cock inside me, please, David. Take me hard and - and keep spanking me, please....!"

He gave a low, throaty groan, hand connecting again with my ass. Then he was pushing me off his lap, pushing me down to my knees, and when I looked up at him the hunger in his eyes was so gratifying that I would have done anything he'd asked of me. "Get up. Go lay over the horse."

My knees felt weak as I hurried to do so, and I clung to the firm security of the polished leather under me, wrapping my arms around it, back arched and trembling. Dave followed me without delay, delivering another had swat to my ass. "So fucking beautiful, Nelson," he breathed again, tugging the plug away from me. "Gods, the things I want to do to you...."

"Anything," I gasped, trying to arch back against him, trembling against the bench. "Paddle me harder, whip me, just please - please fuck me, David, please - "

He was inside me so quickly that I barely had time to react, the blunt head of his cock slick but insistent, pushing into me with a hard, deep thrust. It was too much, too quickly, but the burning discomfort of being taken mixed with the rest of the sensation I felt. I was pushing back against him before I could think about it, pushing him deeper, pushing him to the hilt, my body clenching and fluttering around the thickness of his cock as I ground the tender skin of my ass back against his unlaced breeches.

"Elua, Nelson...." There was a kind of helplessness to his voice that sent a thrill through me, and I began to grind back onto his cock desperately, writhing between him and the horse as much as I could. My ass hurt from the spanking, hurt more when our bodies connected, but the intensity of it was too exquisite to give up, and I sobbed from the pleasure of it, fucking back harder onto him.

"Dirty boy," he hissed, smacking the side of my ass, pulling another cry from my lips. Then he drew me back, giving me more space to move and pulling me back onto his cock. "Fuck yourself on my cock, then. Show me how desperate you are for it...!"

I'm not sure I could have stopped myself if I'd wanted to. Bracing myself on the horse, I jerked back against him, impaling myself again and again, the thickness of his cock nearly too much and completely perfect. Each buck of my hips pushed the head of his cock into that bright point of pleasure inside me, and I cried out unrestrainedly, gasping for breath. Dave met me with hard snaps, fingers digging into my hips as he used me, hips smacking into my ass again and again until I was wailing with each thrust, pleasure rushing towards orgasm, hot and bright.

Suddenly Dave shoved me forward, pinning me to the horse with his hands on my shoulder blades, rutting into me, hard and desperate. "Oh fuck, sweetheart, I can't... so fucking good...." His nails raked down my back, another bright hot rush of intensity, and I sobbed helplessly, my body screaming to come.

"Please," I sobbed, fingers digging into the horse, shuddering under him with the agony of holding off. "Please, David - "

"Elua... come for me baby, come on - !" He jerked up into me roughly, burying himself to the hilt, shoving me into the horse and grinding as if he couldn't get deep enough inside me. I felt the pulse of his cock, felt him spill inside me, and I clenched down around him, the stuttered grind of his cock a perfect agony against my nerves as my world tumbled into ecstasy.

Dave curled around me as I caught my breath, nuzzling my shoulder, pressing soft kisses to my skin. His breath was hot, as ragged as mine, and through afterglow of my own orgasm I began to feel a rush of deep satisfaction and pride.

"Are you pleased, my lord?" I murmured, and Dave gave a low, breathless chuckle.

"So much," he murmured, kissing the crook of my neck. "So much, Nelson. You..." he let out a long breath, and I felt a little more pleasure that it took him a moment to find his words. "You're really wonderful."

There was a part of me, removed and analytical, that knew logically that he must say such things to all his patrons. But I let myself believe in the warmth of his words, the guilelessness of his tone. I was too content in the aftermath of our lovemaking to do anything but. "I'm happy I pleased you."

"Very much," he agreed, voice low and murmured, and he pressed a kiss into the soft point under my ear, silent for a moment, just seeming to breath of my skin. "I'd like you to stay here with me longer."

I felt a rush of pleasure. The last thing I wanted to do was leave, but I'd assumed our time would be limited. I had a dinner that night, but it was much later, and I had more than enough time.

"It would be my honor, my lord," I sighed, and felt Dave's arms tighten around me, strong and approving.

~~~


	4. Chapter 4

What surprised me most was how calm and confident I felt in the days after leaving Valerian house. The rest of the afternoon had been wonderful; after cleaning up Dave had taken me to a private room and ordered light refreshments. He let me curl with him on a luxurious settee as we partook, the thick velvet upholstery wonderfully soft against my tender skin, and we spoke at length; about school, my childhood, my time in the city. Even, when I asked, a little about Mandrake and the night court. It had been a little strange at first, being so naked with him when he was again fully dressed. But Dave was unmistakably appreciative when he looked at me, his gentle but possessive touch reassuring, and I quickly lost my self-conscious modesty. I wanted him to look at me, I realized, and felt pleasure and pride under his admiring gaze.

Dave leaned closer to me, running a finger up the top of my thigh, his voice growing softer and at the same time husky with intent. "The thought of someone wanting you is a powerful draw for you, isn't it?"

Disobediently, my mind went to Quincel, and I shivered. "... for better or worse."

"For better, when you're with me." Dave's gaze followed his fingers as he drew them slowly up my stomach, circling my navel, stroking over my chest. Finally he caught my jaw, tilting my face up so that he could claim my lips in a slow, warm kiss. "Tell me what it is about it that draws you."

I sighed against his mouth, enjoying another slow kiss as I thought, examining my reactions to Quincel, to the few of the bedfellows at school I'd had who'd truly made me feel weak in the knees. "I'm not sure. I think... with Quincel, it was the thought of him... pressing his will on me. Doing whatever he wanted to me. But then what he wanted of me was so deplorable...."

"So perhaps it is the thought of giving yourself over to another's will, with the knowledge that they will only demand what you are willing to give?"

It was much the same as many things he'd said to me, still, I felt a shiver of arousal and relief both move through me. "... yes. I think so."

Dave gave an understanding hum. "Then I will see what I can do for you, in that regard." He kissed me again, longer, more possessive, and I felt myself melt against him, desire flaring bright. Dave nipped lightly at my bottom lip. "Another thing... I want you to tell me that when you go home, when you go back to school, you won't let a man have you unless he respects you."

I gave a soft hum of agreement. Other than Quincel, it wouldn't be hard. Growing up it was a rare thing to find a bedfellow that truly engaged me.... Though many of the young men (and more futilely, young women) of the town had made themselves more than available to share the bed of their young lord, there were few who seemed willing or able to really give me what I wanted. School had been much better, but though I'd availed myself unrestrainedly of the bedfellows I could find among my peers, there wasn't anyone I felt close enough to for any kind of lasting dalliance. "I will, my lord," I murmured, and Dave smiled.

"Good. Now go lay on your stomach on that leather bench for me. I would teach you once more before you leave."

I wasn't sure my tender skin could take much more, but I went, already half-hard regardless. I shouldn't have doubted that Dave would know what I needed, and what I could take. The leather-upholstered bench was sturdy and secure, as long as a bed and just wide enough that I could hug it with my outstretched arms. He bound my wrists to the legs, then spread my thighs as wide as the bench would allow, securing my ankles, my bounds delightfully unescapable.

For what seemed like hours Dave rubbed a softly scented oil into my skin, fingers gentle over where he'd spanked me, then more firm on my neck and shoulders, digging into the knots of tension. The sensuality of his touch grew more intentional and more sensual until he was finally teasing between my thighs, pressing his fingers up into me. He fucked me open with agonizing patience until I felt desperately, painfully hard, pulling against my bonds as I writhed on the bed, sobbing and begging for him breathless and unrestrained.

I'm not sure at what point he undressed, only that when he finally took me the press of his bare skin against mine was more exquisite than I could have ever imagined. Despite the patience he'd shown while teasing and preparing me, his lovemaking was urgent, passionate. The hard snaps of his hips, the tease of his teeth on my skin, the breathless, throaty encouragements - it was all exactly what I needed. For those breathless moments it was the only thing that existed in the world, the only thing that mattered, Dave's pleasure and my own, building, growing, all the sensation swirling together into a whirlwind of intensity that finally, finally crested. 

Even after orgasm the decadent sense of well-being continued, pleasure and pride infusing my limbs, and I closed my eyes and let myself revel in Dave's gentle touch, the soft kisses he pressed to my skin. Eventually, but far too soon, he pulled away, undoing the bonds on my ankles before sinking to his knees in front of me to work at the ones on my wrists.

He was beautiful, I thought, allowing myself to admire the lines of his body - his chest, smooth and hairless as was the fashion for servants of Naamah, the firm muscles slick with oil from where he'd pressed against my back. "You're beautiful," I murmured, and he gave a soft, pleased laugh, bending in more to press a kiss to my forehead.

"So are you, sweetheart."

I could believe it, coming from him. I smiled, closing my eyes for a moment as I let out a long breath. "May I see you again?"

Dave finished untying my second wrist, fingers moving to stroke through my hair. His gaze held mine seriously. "Will you come to Mandrake?"

Agreeing was surprisingly easy. I felt too good to worry. And in any case, I'd become rather more convinced of the Night Court's commitment to anonymity; despite how we tried and the rumors that abounded, no one had yet confirmed who had been kicked out of Valerian the night of Rachelle's birthday. "Yes." 

"Good boy," Dave murmured, leaning in to press another warm kiss to my forehead. "I'll look forward to it."

~~~

It was several days until the Longest Night, but when the day finally came I arrived at the manor of House Shahrizai the calm confidence I'd gained during my assignation remained. Perhaps in part because I had arranged for another, at Mandrake house, in two days time. Joe met me with a smile, taking me to his rooms, where manservants waited to dress us in the fantastical costumes he'd commissioned.

They were magnificent. The star of mine was a thigh-length sleeveless doublet, a tawny brown velvet with darker spots painstakingly dyed into the fabric to resemble the great Nubian cat Joe had chosen. It was trimmed in a deep grey-blue embroidered brocade, worn over a silk shirt and breeches in a slightly lighter colour that very much complimented my eyes. Though I was not wanting for money, the expense of such a costume would have been notable for me. Wearing it would be an obvious display of being in the Shahrizai's favor.

"Thank you for this," I said as I dressed. "It's too generous, Joe."

He smiled, shaking his head. His own outfit, made entirely of thick black velvet, looked almost simple at first glance, until one paused to admire the extensive embroidery around the closure and cuffs, spangled with tiny green emerald crystals. It was belted with a fine black leather, supple and thick, that closed at the back with the ends hanging down like sinuous tails. "You're my friend, and my guest. It would look very poor to bring you to Cereus house as anything other than magnificent."

"Cereus?" I glanced up at him, surprised, and he nodded.

"With the King-Regent still in Marsilikos there's no use going to the palace, no-one worthwhile in the court will be there. But to spend the Longest Night in the Night Court...." he shook his head, grinning. "There's nothing like it. You'll see. Mother has a standing token from Valerian house to attend, I joined late last year when King John took a small envoy from the palace there after midnight. Spending the whole night there is going to be even better."

I thought back to going to Valerian with him. "With... your mother?"

Joe laughed, shaking his head. "It's not like that. No adept takes contracts on the longest night. Everyone is free to do as they wish." Joe passed me my mask, a grand piece shaped like the great cat I was dressed as, carefully covered in the same dyed velvet as my doublet. "Come on."

The Duchess arrived in her front parlour a few moments after Joe and I did, sweeping down the grand staircase, dazzlingly resplendent. For a long moment I could only stare, admiring the beauty and workmanship of her costume. The cut of the dress was mostly D'Angeline in style - black velvet that hugged a form as fine as any young woman of the court, falling loose and elegant to the ground. But it held no sleeves, the dress held up by a grand collar of cloth-of-gold set with squares of hammered gold and turquoise stone, the same patterns adorning the bottom of the dress. Over it she wore a mantle made of long, black feathers, shining green in the lamplight, fastened across her chest with a string of gold-set turquoise. The same feathers made up a magnificent feather headdress that perched atop her loose black hair, her golden mask attached to the gold crown of the headdress.

Next to the black of the velvet, her bare arms looked powerful, thick gold armbands and bracelets encircling them, carved with figures in a distinctive blocky style. The design was something I was quite familiar with; though D'Angelines were too fond of their own fashions and lived in a place far too cold to truly adopt the style of the Nahuatl of Terra Nova, we saw their art and gods frequently.

"You look exquisite," Joe breathed, bending to press a kiss to his mother's hand. "What is the costume?"

"Zochiquetzalli of the Nahuatl," She said, a low satisfaction to her words. "The goddess of beauty and motherhood." She glanced to me. "Do you think it suiting?"

I could think of nothing more appropriate for her, but this was more than just the personage she was representing. Terre D'Ange had benefited greatly from trade with the Nahuatl people of Terra Nova. That House Shahrizai had been instrumental in establishing that trade, and gained back the province of Kusheth in the process was also not something that escaped my notice, and I wondered at such an obvious display of power. "Very suiting, my lady. For many reasons."

She regarded me for a moment, blue eyes shrewdly pleased, then turned as Joe looked up to the top of the stairs with an exclamation of delight.

I'd learned that many thought it a bit of a failing, that Rachelle did not bear the stamp of Kushiel's bloodline in her features or her gentle manner as sharply as her mother and her half-brother. Seeing her then, I thought that no-one could deny that her beauty and nobility belonged in House Shahrizai. She cut just as imposing a figure as her mother, her gold brocade dress accenting her figure perfectly. The brocade, I saw as she drew closer, must have been woven for her alone - the design featured rearing great cats, lionesses and thick-maned lions, snarling with claws unsheathed. The eye holes of her gold velvet cat-mask were ringed in black, turning her brown eyes into soulful, endless pools of darkness, mysterious and beautiful. And around her throat shone a magnificent necklace of polished amber, speaking of wealth and opulence and power.

I gave her a kiss of greeting. "You're going to outshine the entire Night Court in that gown," I murmured, and she laughed softly, eyes sparkling.

"Careful with that silver tongue, Nelson. My mother might get the wrong idea."

I wondered a little at her words on the carriage ride to the night court. Would Rachelle marry for love, or power? Joe seemed content to sow his oats wherever he liked, would he leave the matter of succession to his sister, or find a woman as apt to follow the precepts of Blessed Elua as he? Or would Rachelle even marry at all? Her mother's decision to, like our neighbours the Dalriada, have her children without any care to acknowledge the father was sensational, but not completely uncommon in the decades since our treaty with their people. Still, I thought that Rachelle would be happy with a well matched man or woman at her side, and I hoped that she could one day gain the respect her mother commanded.

Then we arrived at Cereus House, and all my thoughts turned to only to that.

It was more resplendent than I could have imagined, even from Joe's words. Stepping out of the carriage, we found the courtyard of Cereus house already crowded with guests, masked revelers in incredible finery, many drinking from goblets of warm, spiced wine in the chill of the night air, greeting a procession of what I assumed must be adepts of the night court, dressed in silver and white costumes, climbing the grand marble steps to the main entrance. We followed the Duchess to a side door, where she pressed a small token into the hand of the guard, who bowed and admitted us entrance.

Inside the entrance hall was just as crowded, guests lining the walls to admire the white and silver procession of adepts that strode by. A man bowed to the Duchess, however, urging his companions to make room for us, and I found myself at the front of the throng with Rachelle, dazzled by the sights.

It seemed that all thirteen houses had conspired to try and outdo each other, each choosing a grand theme for their costumes, each more fantastical than the rest. Velvet and furs and silk so fine it was nearly sheer, masks trimmed with crystals and feathers and gold leaf, and though I tried to identify each house based on what I knew of the night court, I was soon lost in the dazzling display of opulence and the celebration of D'Angeline beauty.

Mandrake, however, shone through above the rest, and at their appearance I felt myself shiver. They all arrived with bare, oiled chests, even the women, well muscled and imposing, surrounding their Dowayne, who I thought must be the Hellenic goddess Athene. The adept's scarlet velvet cloaks were flung back over their shoulders, hips girded with skirts of leather armor gilded with gold, swords and whips hanging from their belts. Instead of masks they wore great golden helmets with wide nose guards obscuring the face, narrow crowns of scarlet feathers standing stiff along the top from back to front. Hellenic warriors, I thought, remembering seeing some sketches in one of my father's books. I tried to identify Dave among the throng, but it was over too fast, leaving me feeling slightly disappointed.

When the last of the houses had entered the great hall of Cereus we swept in to follow, being met in the hall by young apprentices bearing trays of small, clear liquor _joie_ in delicate crystal glasses, sweet and strong, that soon left us giddy and laughing. The Duchess took us around for a short time at first, introducing all three of us to a myriad of people I was certain I wouldn't recognize unmasked; other nobles, a few adepts, and the Dowayne of Mandrake house, who seemed to be close enough to the Duchess to be on a first name basis for her. Then Joe found a young Cammeline lady he knew who I had met previously, and we were pulled away to join her group, into the dance and gaiety.

Part of me very much wanted to find Dave, trying to look past the masked helmet of each bare-chested Mandrake warrior we passed, but I made myself stay with my friends. It weighed heavily on me how I would appear, seeking out an adept of Mandrake house, with what my mother was. Besides that, on the Longest Night no adept took contract, and it would be inappropriate of me to seek his attentions, as much as I wanted to.

After a time we stopped at the grand banquet table for a bite, giddy and warm with the wine. It gained a grand view of the entrance of the Winter Queen, hidden behind her ancient mask of carefully sculpted leather, wrinkled and old. It was a play repeated at every Longest Night celebration in Terre D'Ange; even in my childhood my mother had shown me, taken me to the square of the little town our manor resided in to see the spectacle. 

Our conversation turned to speculation as to that year's appointment of the Sun Prince, who would arrive at midnight to woo the Winter Queen. The Queen was always an adept from Cereus House, and there was a certain level of prestige afforded the house whose adept was chosen for the second role. Frequently Camellia, who strove for perfection, vied for the honor, but the year before the King-regent had surprised the house with his presence, and a leggy Eglantine dancer that was one of the royal favorites had donned the Sun Prince's costume at midnight, much to the delight of his house.

The Duchess slid into the chair beside mine as the Winter Queen slowly hobbled her way through the crowd, still looking as perfectly radiant as she had when we arrived. She gave me a nod of greeting, then directed her gaze across the room, leaning close to me as she spoke low. "He wears the bronze mask of Kushiel tonight," she said, soft and conversational. I followed her gaze to a black-clad man across the hall, and though I hadn't noticed him before I immediately knew who _he_ was. I made a mental note to keep an eye on his position in the crowd. I wouldn't let him catch me off guard again.

"A very heavy-handed costume choice, don't you think?"

"Very," I replied, feeling uneasy at the impassive cruelty of the mask's expression, the eyeholes completely black even with the banks of beeswax candles that lit the grand, frescoed room. I looked to the Duchess. "If he seeks to gain your favor, it doesn't seem the way to do it."

"Quincel de Morhban is a but a bumbling boy, with none of the shrewdness or intelligence of his namesake, and none of his family in the city to keep him in check," the Duchess mused, lips pursing as she continued to look out into the room. "He made suit last year for Rachelle's hand, which I denied. Now he means to remind the peerage that Kushieth was once his birthright. Our bloodline is more true, but..." she gave a small shrug. "In the games of politics, one always makes enemies."

I watched her speak, trying to decide what to make of her words. "If you'll forgive me, my lady... where do I fall into this? I don't doubt what you've told me, but... I can't help but think it's something more than just a debt to my parents repaid...."

She smiled, small and careful, but didn't seem displeased. "Nelson, please believe that I would have done what I've done for you regardless, for the reasons I gave. And perhaps in the hope that you would coax your mother back to the city someday. But beyond that..." she paused for a moment, considering her words. "You have been a true friend to my children. I believe that if you are ever in a position to repay the favor house Shahrizai has shown you, that you will."

"You are always welcome in any of my modest holdings," I assured her, despite not seeing what benefit she could ever gain from it. "And I'll try and convince my mother to travel with me, the next time we come here on break."

She smiled, patting my hand. "Thank you, dear," she said, and rose, disappearing back into the crowd. 

I watched her leave, not noticing another approaching me until a hand came to rest on my shoulder, a masked figure leaning in close, voice low. "Nice to see you here, sweetheart."

Even if I hadn't recognized the warm voice immediately I would have known his eyes, my heart leaping into my throat as I turned. Dave wasn't dressed as the other adepts of Mandrake, but instead wore a costume that was surprisingly demure in comparison - what looked like a fox or dog in shades of white and grey and blue. His eyes were unmistakably warm behind his mask. "I hoped I'd see you," I breathed, heart pounding, and he smiled.

"Me too, sweetheart. Listen..." His fingers tightened on my shoulders, and he inclined his head towards the other side of the room. "Go down that hall. Near the end there's a small lover's nook behind a Tiberian statue of two men where I'd like you to meet me in five minutes. I'm going to have you there. Do you understand?"

The wave of arousal his words sent through me was nearly dizzying. "I understand," I managed to reply, and Dave pressed a kiss to my ear at the edge of my mask, squeezing my shoulder again before slipping away.

I glanced over to find my friends watching me, Joe with a little smirk on his face, quirking an eyebrow suggestively. Rachelle leaned closer, eyes bright. "Was that a Cereus adept?"

"Perhaps," I shot back with a grin, excitement hot in the pit of my stomach, imbuing a powerful confidence in me. I winked at her as I rose. "I'll find you two for midnight. Pleasure calls."

"Have fun," Joe replied, still smirking, and I stepped away into the crowd. 

I glanced through the revelers as I wove my to the hallway he'd directed, carefully noting the dark-clad figure of Quincel de Morhban, making sure his attention was not on me as I slipped away. Then I followed Dave's directions, finding the small nook with a large, plush cushioned bench, tucked away in near-privacy behind the statue, dimly lit in the shadows of the lanterns in the hallway. The statue itself was delightful, depicting a regal Tiberian Emperor in passionate embrace with a beautiful, curly-haired young man who was completely naked, the marble so exquisitely wrought that it seemed as though the Emperor's fingers pressed into the young man's flesh in his want. 

I slipped out of my doublet and tried to slow my breath, feeling near to trembling in anticipation, half-hard just from the thought - 

There was a flicker of shadow from the hallway, and then Dave was with me, pulling me into his arms. He tore off my mask and his own, tossing them aside to the base of the statue and claiming my mouth, tasting of the sweet sharpness of _joie_. I whimpered, letting him press me back against the wall and arching into the warmth of his body, feeling nothing but the delightfully helpless desire I'd so craved. "Gods, David...."

"Shhh," he murmured, kissing away my words. "You have to keep quiet for me, baby. Just whispers. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes," I gasped. I would have promised him anything. "Yes, I promise, please...."

Dave pressed one hand between us, cupping my cock through my breeches and giving a pleased growl under his breath as he kissed along my jaw, teeth scraping my skin. "Ah, look at you... so eager to please me, sweetheart... so hard at the thought of doing my will, so desperate to take my cock...."

"Yes," I gasped, trying to press up into his touch, feeling breathless, mindless with want. "Please, anything you want...."

Dave groaned against my ear, low and helpless. Then he claimed my mouth again, kisses hard enough to bruise, pulling at the lacings on my breeches. He yanked them down to my knees, pulling back to look at me, grey eyes all pupil in the darkness, the unfettered want in his gaze making my knees near buckle. Drawing something from his belt pouch, he pressed a small stoppered bottle into my hand. "Get on your knees. I want you to swallow my cock while you finger yourself open."

"Oh gods yes." I sank to my knees, pushing his tunic up to pull down his knit hose, finding him gloriously hard. I ought to have employed some finesse, especially considering the teaching he must have had as a servant of Naamah, but all I could think about was finally tasting him. I took him in my mouth, sucking hungrily, lips sliding down the girth of his shaft and half choking as I tried to take too much, too fast.

"Elua, Nelson...." Dave's fingers tangled in my hair, clenching delightfully tight. I tried to fight his hold to take more, but his fingers tightened, holding me in place as he started to rock into my mouth. "Just relax, sweetheart... I know you can take it, just let me... gods, yes..."

I hadn't thought it was possible to get any harder, but when I gave myself over to Dave's control there was something indescribably exquisite in it, like my whole world had become the push of his cock over my tongue, filling me, pushing deep into my throat. I swallowed around him eagerly and heard Dave give a helpless groan, one hand releasing my hair to stroke over it restlessly as he continued to fuck my mouth. "Gods, you're amazing, sweetheart, you look so good with my cock down your throat.... Put your fingers in yourself now. Work yourself open, get that pretty little asshole all nice and slick... gods, I'm going to fuck you so hard...."

I whimpered around him, fumbling blindly for the stoppered bottle of oil, fumbling to do as he said. It was difficult to do, on my knees with my breeches keeping my thighs together, but I wanted him too badly to give up. Soon I had three fingers pressed up into myself, fucking myself open with trembling thrusts as I choked and gagged around the girth of his cock.

Dave's fingers raked over my scalp, down the back of my neck. "Elua, you're so fucking beautiful, Nelson. You should see yourself, fuck...." he pulled away so quickly that I couldn't help but whimper from the loss of his cock, trying to follow. I sucked hungrily on Dave's thumb instead as he pressed it to my lips, pulling a low, delightfully helpless groan from his throat.

"Give me the oil. Get up and brace yourself against the wall. Leave your breeches as they are."

Breathless and trembling, I did as he asked, bracing myself on my elbows on the wall and arching my back to present myself to him, my thighs spread as far as I could with my breeches around my knees. Dave gave a low groan, pushing his fingers up into me roughly as he ground his cock against my thigh, sucking and nipping at my neck. "This is what you wanted, wasn't it? Just to be my little whore? To bend over and take me whenever I want, to spread your legs wherever I want - "

"Yes," I gasped, biting back a cry as his fingers twisted inside me. "Anything you want, please...."

"Beg for it," he hissed, shifting to slick his cock, rubbing the thick head against my hole in hard jerks as he did.

I sobbed at the tease of sensation, barely able to keep my breath a whisper. "Please fuck me, David. Fuck me as hard as you want, please use me for your pleasure, make me come on your cock, gods, please - !"

His hand moved to cover my mouth, which was the only thing that muffled my cry as he pushed inside me. Like before there was an exquisite desperation to it, stretching me open roughly as he buried himself to the hilt, grinding against my ass. I shuddered and whimpered at the intensity of it - too much, too fast - but at the same time craved it all the more, reveling in the sensation of being filled so tight with the wonderful girth of his cock.

"Gods, you drive me crazy," he hissed in my ear, breath hot and hard as he rolled his hips against me, grinding hard and deep. "The way you look at me, Nelson, the way you beg for it, Elua... you make me lose control, make me wanna fuck you so hard....!"

I cried out as a harder, stuttered buck of his hips sent a shock of pleasure through me, the thickness of his cock grinding into my sweet spot with each thrust. I managed to wrench my mouth away from his hand, gasping for breath. "Do it, then. Fuck me as hard as you want, show me what I do to you, punish me with your cock, David, please - !"

With a snarled growl he bit down at the crook of my neck, and I could feel my words shatter his self control. His free arm tightened around my waist, rutting up into me with rough desperation, nearly pushing me onto my tiptoes with the force of his thrusts. The intensity of sensation made me feel like I couldn't breathe, couldn't think for the pleasure of it, and I bit down on the back of my wrist to muffle my cries.

It was perfect. It was excruciating, and perfect, my body yielding to the exquisite agony of pleasure and pain that he inflicted - more, more, still not enough. My mind spun, drunk on the force of his desire for me, the desperate force of his thrusts as he used me, teeth burning a brand of pleasure into my shoulder. I existed to serve his pleasure, I was _made_ to serve his pleasure, ecstasy coursing through my veins with each thrust, heady and intense.

I was a creature of pleasure. I was a creature of his pleasure, I thought with a rush of overwhelming joy, and as I felt him pulse inside me I tumbled over the edge with him, feeling like the world was shaking apart around me and blacking out to the ecstacy of orgasm.

For a long moment I couldn't think, couldn't do anything but breathe, the intensity of sensation fading to a heavy, all-encompassing warmth. Somewhere in the distant corner of my mind I knew I was going to still feel this tomorrow, but the rawness I felt from being fucked so thoroughly seemed a part of me, an exquisite core of pleasure and security. When Dave drew away from me I heard myself give a whimpering sob of loss, but then I felt him slide to his knees, felt the warm, wet press of his tongue to my hole, licking and soothing my sensitive nerves until my whole body felt weak, knees trembling wildly as I tried to stay upright.

Finally he tugged my breeches back up into place, and I let myself be tugged back to curl on the bench with him, letting him pull me back against his chest as he lounged into the corner. His lips pressed to my hair, fingers a gentle caress down my spine. "Are you alright?"

I kept my eyes closed, pulling a slow breath, feeling a warmth roll through me as I exhaled. "You understood what I needed," I murmured finally, and he exhaled in a soundless, slightly incredulous laugh.

"Oh my dear one... I was going to say the same thing to you."

His words helped my thoughts gain a bit more semblance of order. I lifted my head, leaning closer to press my lips to his, sighing a the warmth and sweetness of them against mine. "...you needed to fuck someone really hard?" I murmured, hearing a low rumble of satisfaction in my voice.

"I needed you," he said quietly, and something in it made my heart twist. I stared at him for a moment, thoughts spilling into my mind, bringing a depth of emotion I wasn't ready for. He'd come to find me, on a night when no adept took on assignations, he'd sought me out, he'd wanted - 

Dave's fingers smoothed along my jaw gently. "My precious, beautiful boy," he murmured, kissing me gently, and all of my emotions spilled over into tears.

"Don't," I managed to whisper. "I know I'm not special to you. I know you don't - " 

Dave cut me off with a kiss, fingers tightening in my hair. "Stop. Listen to me. Nelson, I - I love all of my patrons, I can't help it. I couldn't - I couldn't do this if I didn't love them at least a little. But you...." he stopped, brows knitting together as he gave a soft, helpless huff of breath. "Why else do you think I found you tonight?"

Before I could answer, I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat softly on the other side of the statue. A voice spoke - one of the apprentices, I thought, soft and young. "Forgive me, my lord, you asked to be notified when it was near time...."

"Thank you. Give me a moment, please." Dave turned his gaze back to me, giving a soft sigh as his fingers gently wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I have something I have to take care of. But I'd like it if you'd stay with me tonight," he said softly. "I want to pass the longest night with you. Will you do me the honor?"

Dazed, I managed to nod. Swallowing hard against the trembling feeling in the pit of my stomach, I turned my face to kiss his fingers. "I... I'd like that."

He smiled, kissing me gently again. "If we don't meet before then, come back here when the horologist cries one hour after midnight. I'll be here. I promise."

As always, the gentleness to his tone calmed me, and I nodded, returning his kiss. "I'll come."

Dave ran his fingers through my hair as he stood, straightening his clothes and handing me my mask slipping out of the nook. "Please take care of my guest and see him back to the party," he said, and when I finally stepped out of the nook, the youth took me to a powder room where I gladly took some time to put myself together.

It didn't take long to find Joe when I returned to the grand hall. "Nelson!" he cried, catching up two small crystal glasses from the tray of a young attendant as she passed, pushing one into my hand. "Joy to the wonders of the Night Court on the longest night!"

I threw the liquor back, letting the warmth of it infuse me, push away a little of the trembling uncertainty I'd been left with after our conversation. "Joy!" I cried back, then caught up a goblet of wine. "Let's dance!"

The music was lively, the party livelier as the night wore on, as the gaiety and alcohol spurned on the revelry. I'd almost lost track of time when I heard the deep, slow ringing of the midnight bells, and someone inside began to beat the gong in time, drawing the revelries to a halt. Our group drew back, finding the grand figure of the Duchess in her feathered headdress in the crowd as the Winter Queen appeared again, hobbling to stand on the raised colonnade that ran along the head of the room.

The doors to the great hall had been closed, and three great knocks fell upon it, the doors bursting open at the final slam. Immediately a murmur of awe rose up from the crowd. What stood on the other side was not the Sun Prince, not solely; four of the bare-chested adepts of Mandrake house started into the room, as if they were a team of matched horses, drawing between them a great war chariot of the Dalriada. No, the Hellenes had used them too, I remembered, and marveled at the figure of the sun prince as he stood in the chariot, spear in hand.

That he was of Mandrake house was of no doubt, but while their costumes were magnificent, his was resplendent, his skirt of shining panels of hammered gold. His well-muscled chest was oiled and sparkled with flakes of gold leaf, as did the mask of the Sun Prince, youthful and smiling, the great rays of the sun hiding the wearer's hair from view. Only the cloak was not golden, the vivid red velvet dramatic and imposing as the chariot brought him to the edge of the colonnade. Only then did he disembark, striding up the steps of the colonnade. The tip of the spear caught the ragged shawl of the winter queen, pushing it from her shoulders, and the queen lifted the mask and gray wig from her hair to reveal the face of the Cereus adept, the Winter Queen made young and beautiful once again.

"An honor to your house long deserved," I heard the Duchess murmur to her companion, and I recognized the Dowayne of the house in her grand war-helmet.

"And to Kushiel and his lineage," the Dowayne murmured in reply, inclining her head respectfully to the Duchess.

The Sun Prince bowed low over the Winter Queen's hand, placing the great, shining ring of engagement on her finger, a sign of his promise to return to the sky, to her at the end of this longest night. Then, as trumpets welcomed in the new year, he swept aside his mask as well.

Of course, it was Dave.

I felt confused, elated, astonished. A little betrayed. But of course he couldn't have told me, not when Night's Doorstep placed so many wagers on the identity of the Prince. And I should have realized when he was not dressed as the rest of his house, and when he slipped away as he did.

Then the betrayal faded, and my uncertainty returned. The pair had been swarmed by a throng of well-wishers, congratulating and toasting the auspicious adepts, and part of me ached to do the same. But now more than ever the implications of such a thing weighed on me. Of what would be said about me if I went to him now, in full view of the revelers.

Then my heart sank to my stomach, and I realized.

I loved him. Elua, I was _in love_ with him. I loved him, and I'd always have to hide it, I'd always....

"You okay?" Joe's pulled took me from my thoughts, and I felt a flare of anger. Easier to be angry than hurt.

"I'm fine," I shot back, grabbing up another small goblet of _joie_ and barely resisting the urge to shatter the delicate crystal against the fine marble floor. "Let's go dance."

Except before I could move, the Dowayne of Mandrake was stepping by me to meet her glorious Sun Prince with a kiss of greeting. "You honor our house greatly, my dear," she said, low and warm. I felt my whole body grow cold when she turned to incline her head to the Duchess. "Zoe, if I may present David no Mandrake, one of the greatest of my house. David, the Duchess Shahrizai and her children."

"A pleasure and an honor, my lady," he replied, bowing low to kiss her hand. "Joy to the Scions of Kushiel on this longest night."

"Joy indeed," the Duchess said with a smile, and Dave straightened, bowing his head respectfully to Joe, to Rachelle, to the others who spent the night with us. Then to me, and though he said nothing, his eyes seemed to linger a moment longer, almost expectant.

I couldn't move, could barely swallow the fear in my throat, my heart pounding in my eardrums. I couldn't say anything, I couldn't - 

Then I caught the a flash of disappointment in his eyes as he turned to move away, and I felt my heart break.

"David, wait," I choked out, and before I could question myself had pushed past Joe, pushed out to meet him. Trembling, I caught his face in my hands as he turned back to me, arching up to kiss him and feeling his arms wrap around me.

"Joy," I managed to whisper, overwhelmed with the warmth of love that flared in my breast, at the happiness in his eyes.

"Joy, my love," he breathed, and kissed me again

~~~


	5. Chapter 5

The remainder of the Longest Night sat in my memories as a strange mixture of blur and clarity. Dave had worn a small but brilliant pendant around his neck as the Prince, gold with an etching of the sun, and he wordlessly placed it around mine, letting it hang visible over the top of my tunic. Wearing it I met a myriad of the Night Court on Dave's arm. They were a blur of faces of friends and well wishers. many of which regarded me with open interest and more than a few of who invited the two of us to more intimate pursuits. But when we were alone....

I'm not quite sure how Dave managed to find us an empty pleasure nook when so many were occupied by pairs or trios of lovers. But he did, one that contained an actual bed, and when he made love to me it was with a quiet intensity that left me speechless to my need and the tenderness in his gaze. Despite how much I'd drank it felt like every touch was seared onto my skin, each kiss a memory, the realization of the love I bore him burning bright in my chest.

"You're... important, at Mandrake, aren't you?" I asked quietly as we curled together afterwards.

Dave's fingers brushed at a flake of gold leaf that had become stuck to my skin. His expression was thoughtful, but strangely unreadable. "When the Dowayne retires, I am like to become the new Dowayne's second." 

"So you will spend your life in Naamah's service." 

He looked at me for a long moment, not answering. Then his gaze dropped to the pendant I still wore, fingers tracing around it on my skin. "This is a lover's token," he said quietly, and my heart skipped a beat - I hadn't realized that he'd meant it a gift, let alone as such an open sign of affection. "In Her Service, it is also a sign that I mean to pursue you only for her glory, and not for pay." The corner of one side of his mouth twitched upwards. "I thought it unseemly to continue to take advantage of the Duchess Shahrizai's favor to spend time with you when I want it so much for myself." He glanced up to me again, then, grey eyes slightly worried. "I'm sorry I didn't ask you first."

I felt a flutter in my stomach, anxious but not unwelcome. "Why me?"

Dave's eyes shifted from mine again, back to his fingers, following his touch as he stroked along my chest, up my neck, my jaw. "I know it's only been a short time. I know we may find, in time, that we are not as... compatible. As we seem to be now. But... right now I don't feel like that will be the case, not for me. So... even though I'm sure you will have far more in your future than just this servant of Naamah, I... I hope it will continue to bring you pleasure to visit me. To be with me, once and awhile."

My words stuck in my throat, and I stared at him, unable to reply, and Dave dropped his gaze again. "I'm sorry. I've been too forward."

"No," I managed to whisper, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. "David, I - I don't know what you think of me, but - Masamet is not a great baronry, I - I'm just a small provincial lord. To have your favor here in the city...."

Dave glanced up at me, his smile soft and sad. "If you think the size of your province reflects at all on your potential, darling, you're wrong. You've already gained the favor of the Shahrizai. I believe, that with your wit and your intelligence... you might be able to do anything you put your mind to. That's why you are at University, is it not? And why you are here? To move among the peers of the realm?"

"I wanted to learn," I replied, but even as I spoke realized that it had always been far more than that. The path of a scholar, a physician, was of course very respectable knowledge for someone of my birthright. But Dave was right. My time in Masamet had never been quite enough. "And in any case... the Duchess loved my mother."

"I can understand that," Dave murmured softly, and tilted his head up to press a kiss to my forehead.

I closed my eyes, shivering under the gentle caress. "Was this what it was like for her, to serve Naamah? Would her patrons have cared for her like you do? Would my father?"

Dave sighed softly against my skin. "That question weighs so heavy on you, doesn't it, darling? I wish I could answer it for you. I think that perhaps... you won't be able to truly find peace with your own desires without knowing. No matter how much I care for you."

I swallowed hard, thinking of how difficult it had been for me to reach for him in front of everyone, and what it might mean now for my reputation. "I'm trying," I managed to reply, and Dave kissed me again, warm and gentle.

"I know, sweetheart. I know."

We talked at length that night, and finally I learned more of him - of growing up in Naamah's service, in the night court. Of his hopes for more of Mandrake to become more than just a harem of flagellants. I could see what it meant for him, to be recognized among his peers as one of the best of his household. What the future might bring for him.

It gave me a lot to think about.

We went to stand on the roof of Cereus for the sunrise, along with dozens of other revelers who had lasted the whole night. Servants brought around ceramic cups of steaming, spiced wine, and I sipped mine slowly, cuddled back against Dave's chest. He wrapped the thick velvet of his cape around both of us, quiet and tender.

I tried to focus on the moment, on the feel of being in his arms as the night sky slowly brightened, the sun returning to the sky. I tried not to think about what had changed between us, and what would continue to change.

It was hard.

"I must return to the University in a few days," I said finally, as people began to trickle back inside. I hadn't dared to even toy with the idea of asking him to come with me, but now I realized it could never happen. Not when he had so much here in the city for him.

"I know," Dave murmured, and he sighed as his lips nuzzled my temple. "Will you return?"

"In the summer." It seemed so far away! How much would change, before then? How many patrons would he master? Would he forget all about me?

Dave's voice was husky. "I'll miss you. Very much."

I felt tears burn at the corners of my eyes, and though I'd told myself not to, found myself speaking. "David, if I... if we were just two people, if we'd just met as peers, I... would you still care for me? Would you be with me?"

Dave's arms tightened around me, briefly so tight that I couldn't quite breathe. "I don't think we should ask that question when that's not how things are," he murmured finally. "But I will be your lover for as long as you wish, Nelson. Will that be enough for you?"

Would it? I didn't know if I could answer. Instead I turned in his arms, arching up to press my lips to his, trembling. "Please let me come back to Mandrake with you. Or - or come home with me. Please. I..."

Dave smiled, kissing me gently. "It would be my honor."

~~~

It might have been a mistake to bring Dave to my home, if only because it felt so good to have him in my space, away from the bustle and formality of the night court. To be able to sleep in his arms, and wake at our leisure, to take a late breakfast - lunch - and enjoy each other's company. But it was hard, to keep my thoughts away from the future. About what was to come for us.

After he left a part of me felt empty.

I thought a lot, about going after him to Mandrake house. About using the token he had given me to beg his company prior to our arranged assignation. I thought about telling him that I loved him, begging him to come with me when I left the city. Back to the University. Back to my home.

I didn't. Instead I went to house Shahrizai.

In the evening it was a gamble to find anyone there, and I doubted Joe or Rachelle would be home. Fortunately the Duchess was, accepting my apologies for arriving without invitation with a kind smile and a shake of the head. Then she brought me into her parlour, getting a glass of wine into my hand and asking for refreshments.

I wanted to ask her advice. I wanted to ask how things were, between her and my mother. I wanted her to tell me how to find peace with my own feelings, but I didn't know where to start. I sipped the wine. "The man last night. The Mandrake adept who was the Sun Prince. He - he was the one who was assigned to the contract you placed for me."

The Duchess gave a small smile, and a nod. "I gathered as much. I had asked the Dowayne to give you her finest, someone who could understand the true extent of Kushiel's love. Do you understand better, now?"

I swallowed hard, nodding, unable to keep the roughness in my voice as I answered. "I... did not expect to find it the same as Blessed Elua's love."

She gave a soft hum of understanding. "Sometimes it proves quite impossible to keep love out of the picture, when you spend time with someone like that. The intensity of emotion and the depth of vulnerability you both feel... but it's more than that for you, isn't it? The medallion he put onto you last night...."

I brought a hand up to touch the warm hardness of it where it sat against my chest, hidden. I swallowed hard. "It is said that you... that you loved my mother. Why...." I stopped, my mouth going dry.

"I think you know a little of why I loved her now," the Duchess replied softly, but I shook my head.

"No. I mean... why weren't you with her? Why... how could you let her go, how could you let her marry another?"

The Duchess's lips pressed firmly together, and she looked away, so silent for a moment that I began to worry I'd offended her. "I did love her," she said finally. "Very much. And I... I did want her here, with me. Away from the night court. But I thought...." she stopped, shaking her head with a sigh. "Our worlds were very different, Nelson. I thought to make her a part of mine, to make her over into something without truly understanding what she wanted. And she refused." She picked up a glass of wine, taking a long sip herself. "I was very young and not used to dealing with rejection, and I came to resent her for it. So I set your - I set Alexandre and Victor de Morhban against each other for her affections, knowing that however it ended it would remove the choice from me of whether or not to be with her."

Something in her words cut to the core. "I'm sorry," I whispered, and she shook her head, giving a smile that was careful and measured

"The folly of youth, I'm afraid." She met my gaze again. "Listen to me. I know it seems like... like every question must be answered now, like you might die from the agony if you don't resolve everything. But you have time, Nelson. You're so young, both of you."

I nodded, but my heart ached with what she wasn't saying. I couldn't ask Dave to give up his life, to give up the Night Court just for me. Doing so would mean disaster.

It was with that knowledge heavy in my heart that I went to my assignation at Mandrake house.

Had I not been so caught up in my own emotion, I might have been pleasantly surprised. While the setup of the house was as secretive as Valerian, there was something rather lighter about the reception parlour. The scenes of tortured youth were replaced by something almost playful; here, beautifully rendered adepts in black undergarments and tall leather riding boots wielded crops and paddles almost playfully, teasing laughing patrons with reddened, upturned buttocks. In other scenes they pressed their patrons faces to their sex, their faces rapt with pleasure as they performed the _languishment_.

Perhaps I would not have been so afraid, if I'd come here first.

Dave arrived soon to meet me, pulling me into a silent kiss of greeting as I rose to meet him. I wrapped my arms up around his neck, holding him tightly, for a moment overwhelmed by the depth of my love for him and the overwhelming helplessness of having to leave.

Dave's lips pressed warm to my temple, voice low. "Come on, sweetheart, come with me. Come be alone with me, alright?"

"Will you spank me again?" I whispered, and felt Dave's arms tighten around me.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll give you what you need."

~~~

 

I felt like I returned to the university different than when I left. I felt like a different person, the weight of my emotions and the cloud of my newfound background pulling me down. Mostly it made me angry, testy with my friends despite trying not to be, and when Joe and Rachelle returned to the city for the Royal Wedding I was more relieved than anything else.

I didn't go home to see my mother. I couldn't.

Dave had been right. I'd never find peace with my own desires as long as long as I was at odds with her history.

So I threw myself into my studies, and kept to myself as much as I could. Randall, my Aragonian friend, was the only one who didn't seem to care about my glowering, though part of me had always suspected he was at the University as much to study D'Angelines as he was to study medicine. Joe and Rachelle stayed in the City, much longer than I'd anticipated, and I began to wish I'd gone with them after all.

I missed Dave terribly. I missed the moments of peace I found in his arms. I missed feeling cared for. I missed... I missed how blessedly uncomplicated it was to submit to him. And though there were a few times where I cried myself to sleep from the sheer frustration of it all, it failed to give me the kind of release that I craved. The kind of release I'd found at his hands.

Then one morning I stepped into the dinner hall to find Randall seated at the end of one table with the person I least wanted to see in the world.

My mother.

She was dressed in a fine new travelling cloak, and rose when she saw me, smiling. Knowing now what I knew, it was hard not to look at her and think of Valerian house. To wonder where she gained her grace, her softness, the sweetness in her smile.

I pushed away my thoughts and gave her a kiss of greeting, trying not to show my anger. "I'm sorry to make you come all this way. I should have come to visit."

She shook her head, smiling. "Randall says you've been busy." He'd met her once, a weekend where I'd taken the three of them home.

I nodded noncommittally. "Are you travelling somewhere?"

"The City of Elua," she replied, and I looked up at her sharply. "I was hoping you'd come with me. The cousin I told you of, the Comte de Corbeau - "

I raised an eyebrow. "The one who died?" My invitation letter to his consort remained sealed; he hadn't been in the city when I'd arrived at midwinter.

She nodded. "His son is to become consort to the King-regent. We've received an invitation to attend."

For a moment the statement hung in the air, heavy and incomprehensible. I stared at her, finally managing to whisper, "I have a cousin? Alive?"

She nodded. "The Comte Daniel no Rocaille de Corbeau. I didn't know Nathan had a son. I'm sorry. Will you come with me?"

I had a cousin. And he was to be consort to the King. I felt again so far out of my league that I didn't quite know what to do with myself. But how could I say no?

"I'll come," I said quietly, and returned to my dorm room to pack my things.

~~~

A silence hung heavy between my mother and I on our journey. Everything I wanted to ask her was thick on my tongue, yet I couldn't bring myself to say them. I was too angry, still. Angry for her deception, angry at her for sending me into the world unprepared to deal with my own past. I wasn't ready to confront that yet.

When we arrived in the City of Elua it was late in the day. She sent a letter to the palace - to my cousin - requesting audience on the morrow. "Will you take dinner with me tonight, my love?" She asked, a hand light on my sleeve. "It's been so long since I've seen you...."

All of my questions for her rose like bile in my throat, and I pulled away. I wasn't ready to ask them. But I couldn't cope with their weight. "I need to go see a friend," I said, and left.

I went to Mandrake house, the pendant Dave had given me warm and heavy against my skin, under my clothes. I hadn't sent word ahead, but I had to believe that he'd be happy to see me. I had to believe that nothing changed between us, that he'd welcome me with open arms. It had only been weeks, no more than a month. As much as I'd missed him, as much as I'd needed his care before, I felt like I'd never needed him more.

I gave his name to the young apprentice who met me, showing my lover's token, then sat down nervously in the reception hall to wait. A few moments later a man I didn't recognize stepped into the room, startling me when he sat down on the couch beside me.

"My Lord de Corbeau?" He asked, offering a hand. "My name is Jarin, I'm the second of Mandrake house. You're here to see David?"

I nodded, mouth going dry at the look in his eyes. Something was wrong, something was....

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "David is not currently with Mandrake house. If you'd like, I can pass along a message?"

No longer with... I stared at him, feeling hot and cold at once. "Where is he?"

Jarin shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm not at liberty to say."

"But..." hands trembling, I took the token out from under my shirt again. "I - please...."

Jarin gave a soft hum of understanding. "I'll send him word," he said, and though I could see a steel inside him that was unbending, he was gentle with me. "Are you sure he hasn't sent word to you?"

It occured to me that I hadn't even asked if anything had come for me at the house. "You're right," I found myself saying. "I haven't checked. I'm sure he has." I rose, feeling faintly dizzy. "Thank you."

"My lord - " his words made me turn back to him, and he rose as well, taking a step closer to me. "Please know that you are welcome in this house anytime you need us," he told me gently, and though I nodded, my throat closed up on my words.

I couldn't. No one else was Dave.

There was nothing at the house for me, though I checked with all the staff, checked the study, the library, sorting through the handful of invitations that had arrived for me in my absence time and again.

There was nothing from Dave. He'd left, and told me nothing.

"Nelson..." My mother hovered at the door to the library, anguished worry in her eyes. I would have felt guilty for it were I not so hurt and angry at her. "Please... can we talk? I need to talk to you."

As much as I'd dreaded it before, I knew that if I tried to confront her now that I'd break. Wordlessly I shook my head, pushing past her and locking myself in my room.

Then I cried myself to sleep, wishing I'd never set foot in the City of Elua.

~~~


	6. Chapter 6

I'd left most of my new-acquired finery in the city, and found myself glad of it the next morning as I dressed to go meet my new-found cousin. I couldn't push away the clench of worry in the pit of my stomach; it was hard to think about being my best self with so much uncertainty in my life. But putting on one of the fine-woven wool suits I'd purchased with Joe made me think of my friends, of the fact that they held me in high regard regardless of my family history. I'd earned that, somehow. By the time I was washed and dressed and had eaten the simple breakfast I'd asked the staff to bring to my room I felt rather better about myself.

"I'm sorry I've been so out of sorts," I said to my mother when I saw her, surprised that the words came so easily. "If you still want to talk..."

She looked relieved, and nodded. "After the palace. Your cousin has asked to see us within the hour."

I'd never been inside the palace - there'd been little call for it, with the King out of the city - and I found myself glad of the fine clothes I'd procured with Joe; despite being overwhelmed by the grandeur around me, at least I felt like I belonged. I felt a pang of guilt for not considering my mother; despite wearing what I knew was one of her finest gowns, she certainly looked the part of a small provincial baroness. I resolved to take her to the atelier as soon as possible.

One of the palace pages took our names with a studious nod, leading us through increasingly grander halls, until we were ushered into one of the salons, where two dozen or so people were talking, drinking, and playing a few games of cards. As my eyes swept the room, I froze.

On a couch on the other side was Quincel de Morhban, seated next to a willowy, dark-haired woman in a very fine deep blue wool dress that had a bit of a look of being kin. They were speaking to a blond man who was facing away from us, which was where we were lead, the page bowing low to him. "My lord, as you requested, the Baroness Lilianne de Corbeau and Lord Nelson de Corbeau."

The man turned, and as he caught sight of me his eyes went wide in an astonishment that echoed my own. "Oh!" Rising to his feet slowly, he stepped closer to me, eyes not leaving my face.

That we were kin was undeniable. What was astonishing was the fact that we looked so very, very much alike, so much so that staring at his face was almost eerie. He had some strange scarring on the right side of his face, half-hidden by his hair, that pulled at the corner of his eye. But otherwise... his eyes, his mouth, the cut of his jaw....

Remembering my manners, I bowed low. "Thank you for your invitation, my lord. I'm honored to make your acquaintance."

"Of course - oh, please call me Daniel." He turned towards his guard where he stood at the side of the couch, and I found myself staring equally incredulously at another man that undoubtedly shared the same strong kinship as we did. "This is my cousin and guard, Ben no Kerouartz of the Cassiline Brotherhood...." his voice trailed off, and he looked to my mother, still seeming somewhat dazed. "Baroness, forgive me... do you perhaps have any sisters?"

"If she does, I'd have hoped to hear tell of them." Quincel rose from his couch before my mother could answer, and I didn't miss that the woman at his side belatedly tried to grab his arm. He took my mother's hand boldly, and I felt every inch of me lock tense as he bowed deep to place a kiss to her hand. "Baroness Lilianne, I am Lord Quincel de Morhban, son of Victor de Morhban. My family holds you in the highest regard. I'm so honored to finally make your acquaintance."

I watched the slightest shiver run through my mother, her eyelashes fluttering slightly as she kept her gaze on Quincel. I fought between the urge to pull her away from him and just punch him straight in that smart mouth of his. "Likewise," my mother replied, low and quiet. "You are every inch your father's son, Quincel."

He beamed, glittering and proud and clearly missing the undertone of cold venom in her voice. But before I could say anything, my cousin spoke, nodding to the woman who remained seated. "I hope you'll forgive me, my lady, but I must spend some time with my newfound kin in private."

"But surely - " Quincel started, only to have the woman rise, gracefully inserting herself between him and the Comte.

"Of course, dear. We can catch up later," the woman said, pressing a kiss to Daniel's cheek and then stepping past Quincel in a way that forced him to drop my mother's hand and walk with her as she caught his arm with hers.

Daniel nodded, then looked to the page that had brought us. "Please have wine and light refreshments brought to my room," he said, and then offered his arm to my mother. "My lady, if you will?"

He was likely a couple of years older than I, I discerned as we left the salon, and as regal and well-mannered as one would expect of the man who was to be the King's Consort. I fell into step on my mother's other side, conscious of the presence behind us of Daniel's guard, who it seemed must _also_ be my cousin, and tried to wrap my head around it all.

"You must forgive me for arranging our meeting like that," Daniel said as he stepped away, drawing a key to unlock a grand set of double doors. He turned back to me with an apologetic smile as he opened them. "I have not known the young lord de Morhban long, and it seems I may have read him incorrectly. He was the one who made me aware of your existence. He said that you were close friends."

I felt my throat clench tight at his words, and bowed my head respectfully, fighting against the rage that bubbled up inside me at the idea of such a lie for the sake of politeness and not wanting to offend my new cousin. "We are acquainted."

Daniel looked a little bemused at this. "As I said, I believe I may have read him incorrectly, and I apologize for this. Please, make yourself comfortable." He took a seat on a couch in the small but lavish parlour we were in, casting a brief smile up towards Ben, who, surprisingly, sat beside him. It reassured me, somewhat, to see that Daniel had no need to stand on ceremony with the man in private.

"Thank you for your invitation," my mother said softly as she sat, seeming more at ease now that we were away from Quincel. "I'm sorry that I did not seek you out earlier. I was unaware that Nathan had any other - any children."

Daniel smiled, shaking his head. "Through no fault of your own, my lady. I never met my father, and I've only recently been invested my title. I was raised in the night court before Lord Rocaille discovered me. Until recently, I have been in the service of Naamah. Which is why I wonder if there is somewhat more shared blood between your son and I? Our mothers were adepts of Cereus house. Twins."

"Of Cereus?" She thought for a moment, then nodded slowly. "Perhaps. My mother died when I was very young, and children are raised quite communally - as you know, of course. But there were twins, older than I, who left my house for Cereus before their apprenticeship began... they did not suit the canon of my house. I can ask for our records, if you wish?"

Daniel, smiling, shook his head. "I don't think we need to. My lady, I..." he stopped, eyes growing bright, then moved to sink to his knees in front of her, taking her hand and turning his head to press his cheek to the back of it. "Forgive me, but I am overwhelmed with joy."

"You really think she's our aunt?" Ben asked softly, and Daniel looked up to him.

"How can she not be when we look so alike?" He looked up to me, giving another little incredulous shake of his head, then moved back to sit on the couch again. "You must forgive me. This all - being consort - I'm still adjusting. Discovering family is more than I ever could have imagined. If there's ever anything you need - do you need apartments in the palace?"

"We have a home in the city," my mother replied, smiling, and I could tell that she was charmed by his earnest happiness. "But thank you. Perhaps you might spend some time with Nelson? He is enrolled in the University in Siovale, but he spent time in the city over midwinter...."

"Of course." Daniel turned back to me, eyes shining. "I'd very much like to get to know you, Nelson. And any invitations you need, any introductions I can make - please don't hesitate to ask. I understand you've taken up with House Shahrizai, but if there's anything else...."

"You seem to know a lot about me," I said before I could bite my tongue, and he held out his hands with an apologetic smile.

"Just the information that is easily available. Forgive me. As a scion of Shemhazai, I hope you can understand?" He rose, then, as the wine and refreshments he'd requested arrived, sending the attendants away with thanks pouring for us himself, with a surprising ease and grace. "Allow me to even the scales a little," he said as he did, smiling as he offered the wine to us. "I was raised in the Night Court, as I mentioned, until I was thirteen, when Ben was called to the Cassilines and I became the ward of Lord Rocaille, in the service of Naamah."

I took the wine with thanks, sipping it slowly. I could believe it, for the grace that he showed, and the elegant swirls of black ink I could just see on the back of his neck above the collar of his shirt. "In Cereus house?" I thought of the fragile, ethereal blond beauty of the adepts I'd seen on the Longest Night, realizing for the first time that my mother could have fit with them easily.

"In several," he replied with a smile, sipping his own wine. "And then as Lord Rocaille's ward I continued my study. I have been blessed with the opportunity to train in the canon of all thirteen houses of the Night Court."

I thought of the myriad of adepts I'd seen on midwinter and what I knew of their dedication to their canon and their craft. "I can see why that would draw the attention of the King," I mused, then realized how it could be taken and felt the back of my neck burn. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean...."

Daniel laughed softly, shaking his head. "John and I were schoolmates, under the tutelage of Lord Rocaille. But I would certainly be remiss in my worship of Naamah not to also employ her teachings for the glory of Terre D'Ange, and for her King." 

He paused for a moment, looking at my mother, visibly considering his words. "I'd like you to know, my lady, as my kin..." he paused for a moment, then started again. "I've just spent some time in Firenze in the house of the Lady de Morhban, helping to clear up some matters of political importance. Now that you are in the city you will no doubt soon hear the King's Poet's rendition of the story. It... was far less glamorous in reality than the words he speaks. I...." he stopped, looking down at his lap.

I watched Ben reach over to place a hand over his, squeezing gently, such open adoration and care in his gaze that I felt suddenly, painfully jealous of their obvious closeness. "Daniel...."

Daniel smiled, shaking his head. "Please understand when I say that there are many things I cannot speak of. But I feel that... I feel that since we're family I must give you a large measure of my trust if I am to ask for the same. I know well how some speak of the noble house of your canon, my lady. I want you to know that I will not stand for such talk at court, and I will do my best to bestow favor on that house. I hope you can understand what I mean when I tell you that... learning your canon has served me very well. Our king may not be alive today without it. So I hold it in the highest regard."

I could sense nothing beyond a sincere honesty in him, and felt suddenly honored and grateful for it. There was more to be understood behind his words - an offer to protect us, my mother and I, from the stigma I'd feared so much. It was as astonishing to me as the friendship the Duchess Shahrizai had offered to me, but I found myself unspeakably grateful for it.

"I appreciate that very much," my mother replied softly, meeting his gaze with a smile. "I didn't realize we came from such a similar place. I... have occasionally been at odds with my canon, as many adepts who have left the house. But I appreciate that you understand the honor in serving Her in the ways of Valerian. And what you have offered me. I will feel much better about my son spending time in the city with you here."

It was the first I'd heard her speak of Valerian, and it rather surprised me. But hearing Daniel's frank confession made it hard not to want to offer him the same. Then I thought of the Duchess Shahrizai, and what she'd said to me about friendship and favor. I couldn't help but think she must have known, somehow, that I had a cousin - she was too well-connected not to. Had she known he would come to power like this? Was that why she'd taken such care with me?

I didn't like the thought of it, but I realized that I couldn't turn my back on her kindness, no matter her motives. "My lord, if you'll forgive me for saying so - "

"Just Daniel, please," he said with a soft smile, and I nodded.

"Daniel. The Duchess Shahrizai has has been a great ally to me, as I mentioned. And I... I believe truly that she does honor the canon of Valerian, more than just the lip service you would expect of a Scion of Kushiel. She has shown me... great kindness."

My cousin regarded me with a little smile playing about his lips. "More than, perhaps, certain other scions of Kushiel?"

I swallowed hard. "I... would not presume to speak disparagingly about my peers, my... Daniel."

He smiled, giving a small nod. "Then I appreciate the insight, and being left to form my own opinions. I understand there is a difficult history between house de Morbahn and the ruling house of Kusheth. I do owe the Lady de Morhban a great deal for her hospitality during my time in Firenze, but you can assure the Duchess that I look kindly on those who have shown kindness to my family. And I will not stand for anyone who tries to do you ill."

"Thank you," I said softly, surprised by how overwhelmed his words made me. "It's... I appreciate it. All of this. Very much. If there's anything I can do to show my gratitude...."

Daniel smiled, shaking his head. "Just stay a few days, after the celebrations, and accept my invitations. I'd like very much to know you. I feel like we have a lot to catch up on."

~~~


	7. Chapter 7

Leaving the meeting with my newfound cousins gave me a lot to think about. My mother, though relaxed in Daniel's presence, seemed troubled as we left, and for the first time I felt guilty for allowing her to bear the brunt of so much of my anger. I stepped away from her and found a page before we left, penning a message and paying him to take it to House Shahrizai. Then I took my mother outside, hiring a coach to the ateliers.

"I know there's a lot I haven't told you," she told me anxiously as the carriage started off. "And I know it's done you a disservice. I'm sorry. I didn't - I didn't think Victor's son would - would cause you trouble. I should have realized, I - "

"It's alright," I said softly, realizing that I meant it, and leaned across the seats to pat her hand. "I'm sorry I've been angry. We can talk at home, alright? I want to make sure that when we attend the celebrations you're the most beautiful woman in the room."

My mother laughed softly, leaning back in her seat, eyes downcast. "It's been a very long time since I've moved among the peers of the realm. There wasn't... Alexandre and I were not married for very long before he died, and I left the city soon after. It's... a little daunting to think about doing it again."

"We'll do it together," I assured her, and she smiled.

"Thank you, my love."

She seemed less upset and more introspective after the ateliers, and I asked for our housekeeper to bring a bottle of wine into the library, remembering how much time we'd spent in the library at home in Masamet. It seemed to put her more at ease, and she sank into one of the high backed chairs, sipping the wine, quiet for a long moment. I'd had so many questions and felt so much conflict over them for so long, but I forced myself to hold my tongue, willing to let her take the lead.

"I served Naamah in Valerian House," she said finally, looking down at her glass, twisting the stem slowly. "You know that now. I'm sorry that I hid it from you. I told myself for a long time that you were too young to understand, and then... it was just easier to keep hiding it. I know I've done you a disservice. If I ever thought you'd become entangled with Victor's line...."

She looked genuinely upset at the thought, and I reached over to pat her knee gently. "I won't say I wasn't angry, and that Quincel didn't upset me. He was the one that told me, you know. But I haven't - he - it's been alright. I've dealt with it. So... I forgive you, for not telling me."

She shook her head. "When you brought the Shahrizai children home I thought it didn't matter, that maybe the world had forgotten about me. They were so respectful. I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything less from Zoe's children." She looked up at me, blue eyes worried. "You said she's been kind to you?"

I nodded. "She's... helped me a lot. I realize now it may have been because of Daniel, but... I appreciate it still."

My mother's lips pressed together tightly, and she nodded, looking down again. "I owe Zoe a lot," she said softly. "More now. I suppose I owe her an apology as well."

"Did you love her?" I asked finally, and before I could stop myself, all the questions were spilling out. "Was she good to you, as your patron? Were you happy in Valerian house? Were you... how do you...." I stopped, taking a long drink. "I'm sorry, I... it's been hard to understand."

"I... was not unhappy," my mother said finally. "Sometimes I was very happy. The canon of Valerian house... they are very careful to ensure that every initiate into the house is... is suitable for the canon. And when we are sworn to Naamah's service we are blessed to be able to serve with... with passion, and gladness. And there were some people, like Zoe, that I cared for very much, where it became... transcendent, to serve. But every servant of Naamah must think to the future... even for those not of Cereus house, most of us cannot serve for our whole lives. I was fortunate to have several patrons who offered to give me a life outside of the house. In truth, Nelson... part of me wanted to serve longer, but I was afraid of losing those opportunities."

I watched her carefully. "The Duchess said she set de Morhban and my father against each other for your affections."

She gave a small, sad smile. "I supposed that might have been the case. De Morhban... I didn't love him like I loved Zoe, but he'd been my patron for so long that I thought it might be the best course for me. And then Alexandre was so kind, even though he wasn't... didn't pursue the canon of Valerian. He was still so... so smitten, and he offered me marriage, offered to make me a peer of the realm..." Her lips tightened, and trembled, and her eyes were bright when she looked up at me. "I did love him, in the end. I don't think he ever really knew. And I...." She stopped, so obviously conflicted that my heart went out to her.

"I'm sure he knew," I said finally, wanting somehow to comfort her. "I'm sure if he lived, he would have been so happy with you. With us."

She nodded, producing a handkerchief and dabbing at her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered again. "I have to tell you something more, I owe it to you. I don't think it's something that will ever come back to you, but you deserve to know. I need you to know, I - "

I leaned closer, genuinely worried. "Tell me."

She dabbed the handkerchief to her eyes again, still not looking at me, finally drawing a deep breath. "I loved Alexandre. I never thought our time together would end so soon. But it did. And I... when he died, I..." she closed her eyes for a moment, trembling, fingers tight around the handkerchief. "I hadn't lit a candle to Eisheth."

Her words, and the meaning behind them, hit me like a blow. "But... how....."

"I went to Zoe," she said, staring down at her lap, shoulder shaking as she drew a shivering breath. "I didn't know what else to do. I thought - I was so afraid that I'd lose my title if anyone found out, I was afraid that without children - without an heir - it would be contested, and Zoe was always so good at fixing things, I - " she looked up at me helplessly. "I couldn't go back to Valerian, and Victor was so angry with me, I couldn't - please understand...."

Alexandre wasn't my father. I wasn't a peer of the realm, not truthfully. I shook my head, feeling like all the breath had been sucked from my body. "Who was he?" I whispered, the words harsh in my mouth.

My mother looked down again, blinking away a few more tears. "Alexandre's older brother had a son," she whispered finally. "The Comte de Corbeau. I don't... I don't know what Zoe did, how she got him to agree. But... she brought him to me, in secret. He promised me that Masamet would always be mine. And he gave me you." Her hands trembled. "I wish you could have known him."

I leaned back against the couch weakly, draining the rest of the wine in my glass. "Then Daniel is my brother, through him. And possibly my cousin through you also." After seeing his face I could believe it.

"Please don't tell him," she said, then held up a hand. "No, I mean... yet. Please don't tell him yet. Until you know him, until you know he will not take it ill. Promise me, Nelson...."

I let out a long sigh, and nodded. "Tell me one more thing, then... the Duchess Shahrizai... did you love her?"

My mother glanced away, lips tightening again. "... yes."

"Then why did you marry my - Alexandre? Why not go with her?"

My mother sighed, lifting a hand between her eyebrows. "Zoe... was very cunning, in those days. There was so much going on, with the Princess unmarried, and Zoe... she always wanted to be in the thick of it all, she always wanted to know everything. She wanted to give me a salon, to let me serve Naamah independently, to entertain whoever and however I liked. And I wanted to, very much. But I came to realize that I would just be... doing things for her. Getting information, manipulating favor. And then I realized that she didn't really love me at all."

I regarded her for a long moment. Then I stood. "I think you're wrong," I told her quietly. "And even if you're not... you need to talk to her again. I'm going there now, I've already sent word ahead. I'm going to speak with the Duchess, and then I'm going to send a carriage for you. I hope you'll come."

I could see my mother shiver, and she shook her head. "Nelson, I - I can't. I'm sorry."

"You can. And I'd like you to do it, for me. Make that your apology to me." Then, before she could argue further, I left.

Our stables kept only a cart horse for the staff, but the carriage horses we'd brought from Masamet were used to the saddle. It was all that I needed to make my way to House Shahrizai, handing him off to one of the stable boys to look after.

The Duchess Shahrizai met me soon after my arrival, a warm smile lighting her face as she saw me. "I received your message. I was hoping you'd come to the city for the wedding. I'm so glad to see you again, my dear."

It was hard not to feel like she'd betrayed me, with so many questions swirling around in my head. "I need to speak to you, please. In private."

She regarded me seriously for a moment, then nodded. "Of course. This way."

She took me into a small study, and before I could even think to sit everything was pouring out. "My mother told me about the Comte de Corbeau. Not the Royal consort, not Daniel. His father. My father. You knew, didn't you? That I had a brother. Did you know he was going to come to power? Is that why you've been so kind to me? To curry _favor_?"

The Duchess let out a soft sigh, sinking down into a chair and looking up at me. "I haven't lied to you, Nelson. Yes, I knew who your real father was. I knew about Daniel no Rocaille. Daniel de Corbeau now, I suppose. And I knew that he was favored of the King. I honestly didn't believe you were brothers, it was too convenient, how Harold found him. Until I met you, until I saw you. Then I believed it."

I sat down as well, unable to keep from glaring at her. "You should have told me."

She shook her head slowly, a small smile on her lips. "I think you had enough to worry about already, dear. And he wasn't even in the city. I knew there would be time. Speaking of which... how is your young man?"

"Gone," I said, and suddenly everything that I'd been feeling came to a head - how abandoned I felt in Dave's absence, how drained I was after the talk with my mother, how angry I was at both of them, at all of them. I found myself sobbing, not resisting as the Duchess moved to sit beside me, silently wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"I hate feeling like this," I choked, covering my eyes with my hands. "No matter what I do, I just can't... I can't find a footing, I feel like I'm always slipping. I thought - I thought he cared about me, he gave me a - a lover's token. But he's gone, and I'll never feel like I did when I was with him, I'll never - I'll never feel strong like that again, I - "

"Nelson. Listen to me." The Duchess drew back, catching me by my shoulders with a firm shake that shook me from my tears. "Listen to me," she repeated again, low and serious. "You are strong, child. You are the child of two of the strongest people I've ever known, and you have so much of both of them in you. You are strong enough to make both my children love you for your wit and your fearlessness. Everything you've done is a result of your own strength, Nelson. And you have so, so much ahead of you."

I found a handkerchief, scrubbing at my tears miserably. "I wish I could believe you," I muttered. "I just... I don't feel that way."

She let out a soft, huffed laugh. "Dear child... nobody feels that way, not truly. We're all just doing the best we can, trying to look strong for those who depend on us."

I stared at her, dazed by her words. How could such a thing be true, when she was always so strong, so capable? "You, my lady?"

"Especially me." She shook her head, smile wry. "Being strong enough to let down that mask, whether it be at Mandrake or just with someone you love... perhaps that's stronger than anything." She glanced away, her smile fading to soft sadness. "In truth... it was why I loved your mother so much."

"She's here in the city with me," I said quietly, watching her eyes widen ever-so-slightly. "I told her that you would send a carriage, and that she needed to come if she wanted my forgiveness.... Will you?"

She paused for a moment, then nodded, rising and leaving the room.

I cleaned myself up, feeling marginally better, the knot of stress between my shoulderblades becoming less tight. But part of me knew I needed more than just a few moments of tears. I thought of Dave, and felt another wave of betrayal and loss.

After a few moments the Duchess returned, sitting back down next to me again. "I've sent the carriage," she said quietly. "Regardless of whether or not she comes... thank you, Nelson."

I nodded, looking down. "You have been kind to me. It's the least I can do."

For a moment she didn't reply, and when I glanced back up she was watching me, quiet and thoughtful. "I think you should know something," she said finally. "Something that your mother doesn't know. Something I... I couldn't tell you, when you didn't know about your father."

I felt the tension in my shoulders tighten. "What is it?"

"About... why I've tried to take care of you. Nelson... when your mother came to me, when Alexandre died... I would have done anything for her. I felt responsible for it, in a way. For driving her away, into his arms. And I knew how to fix things. But I held no sway over Nathan. I knew him well, mostly because I knew his consort well, we'd - we'd worked together, on occasion. But I knew I had nothing he needed, not when he already had the favor of the Princess. Still, I went to him, threw myself at his mercy, for Lilianne. And I... told him to name his price."

Had he demanded something terrible? I felt my body grow more tense. "...and?"

"And he was a good man," she said softly, glancing down with a smile. "I think he must have genuinely wanted to help her. All he asked for was a favor in trust. And... and that since he would be unable to be part of your life... he said I must swear the Montrevean oath, to take care of you in his stead." She looked at me carefully. "Are you familiar with it?"

I thought back over the stories I'd heard and nodded slowly. "That's for the line of succession. A promise to be the protector and guardian of the heir to the throne."

She nodded. "He'd sworn it to the Princess, for her children. And I made the promise he asked for. So, as I've said, you are always welcome in my house. You are always welcome to come to me, for anything you need. I swear it, on the blood of Kushiel that is in me. On the love of Blessed Elua."

It was a lot to take in. But I thought about the time she'd taken to listen to me, to try and help me sort through my worries. How she'd sent Dave to take care of me in Valerian house, and as a result rescued me from Quincel. "Thank you," I said finally, quietly. "I appreciate it. I... think I'll need some time, though. To adjust to everything that's happened."

"That's fair," she replied, and smiled.

Soon after there was a knock at the study door, the butler clearing his throat as he pulled the door open. "As you instructed, my lady, the Baroness Lilianne de Corbeau has arrived."

I gave a sigh of relief that she'd come after all, and the Duchess nodded.

"Show her in, please," she said, then let out a long breath, rising to her feet.

My mother kept her head down as she stepped into the room, her posture tight with tension, lips thinning as she glanced in our direction. "... Zoe."

For a long moment the Duchess stood frozen, gazing at her with visibly such desperate longing that my own heart caught in my throat. Then, as she stepped towards her, a softness seemed to infuse her limbs, and she sank down to her knees at my mother's feet. "Lilianne... forgive me. I was wrong. And I love you."

For a long moment my mother just looked down at her, and I could see her form tremble from the tension she held in it. Then she gave a choked sob and crumpled.

Immediately the Duchess was on her feet, catching her and holding her close, face pressed to her hair. "Shh.... shh, _ma belle_ , it's alright. I've got you, it's alright...."

"I missed you," my mother whispered, clinging to her. "I missed you so, I'm so sorry I left!"

The care and tenderness the Duchess showed towards my mother was exactly what I'd hoped for, I realized. What I'd wanted for them both. And yet at the same time I'd never felt more alone. I thought about what the Duchess had said about pretending to be strong for the people you loved, and did my best to push away my loneliness, rising from the couch and giving her a soft smile. "I'll give you the room."

"Thank you," the Duchess murmured, giving me a warm smile, fingers stroking into my mother's hair.

As I went to pass, however, my mother reached for me, lifting her tear-stained face from the Duchess's shoulder. "A young man arrived for you after you left, he was very insistent on waiting for you. He said his name was David, and that he was a friend. Are you - "

My heart leapt into my throat at her words, and I was hurrying for the front door of the house before she could finish. "Thank you!" I called back over my shoulder, and ran for the stables.

I felt as winded as my horse by the time I reached the house, sliding off its back and handing the reins off to the stable hand. There was another horse tied to the hitching post, still saddled, and my heart thudded painfully in my throat. "Take care of both of them," I told the stable hand, darting up the steps to my house. I had to believe that he was here, that he'd stay, I had to....

Dave, dressed in travelling leathers, paced he length of my front hall. He turned as I entered, an expression of intense relief on his face. "Nelson!"

"You left me!" I choked, and in seconds Dave had crossed the hall, catching me in his arms.

"Never. Never, baby, I promise," he murmured, lips warm against my temple, fingers tangling in my hair. "I'll never leave you."

"But you did," I gasped, but held him tighter, fingers digging into his back. "You left without a word and I - "

"Because I left to go to you!"

His words made mine stick in my throat, and I drew back enough to stare up at him. "... what?"

Dave's fingers cupped my cheek, stroking my hair, my temple. "I left to go to you," he repeated softly. "I'm sorry I didn't send word. It's something I'd been thinking about a lot after you left, something I... had to be very, very certain I wanted. I wanted to see you again, and I... I wanted to be more than just a servant of Naamah when I did."

I shook my head slightly, still not quite believing all that I was hearing. "You're so much more than that," I whispered, and he smiled.

"I know I am in your eyes," he murmured, thumb stroking along my cheekbone, under my eye. "But I... didn't want you to have to worry about how other people saw you, when you were with me. So I've enrolled at the University in Siovale, I've been accepted to study under the physician course."

I reached up to cup his jaw, hardly believing what I was hearing. "But you're in line to be the second of your house."

He gave a small nod. "I could be, yes."

I felt a shiver of nervousness in the base of my stomach. "Are you sure you want to give that up?"

Dave smiled, quiet and warm. "I am. I couldn't let myself leave until I was sure. Nelson, I... I like being with you. So much. I like... I like feeling like I don't have to perform when I'm with you, I like that it feels... that we feel real. I like it too much to not take a chance on it. When I'm finished at the university, if you... if you don't want to be with me, my new skills will still have a place in the Night Court. And if you do...."

I cut him off with a kiss, trembling, fingers tangling in his hair. "I want you," I gasped. "I need you, David. Elua, I - I'm so in love with you!"

Dave groaned, low and desperate, kissing me until it felt like I could barely breathe. "I love you so very much," he whispered, and I sobbed with the joy of it, turning my face up to him as he kissed my cheeks, my eyelids, words soft and soothing. "Shh... it's okay, baby, I'm here... love you so much...."

"Come upstairs with me," I whispered. "I need... everything. You. Please....."

He drew back, nodding seriously and brushing a tear from my cheek. His eyes moved over me, as if assessing, and he gave another small nod. "Do you trust me?"

I swallowed hard. "You know I do."

"Will you ask for my packs to be brought to your room?"

The intimacy of such a thing made my breath catch in my throat, followed by a rush of desire at what else might be entailed. I turned to the housekeeper, hovering nearby with bright curiosity. I tried to keep my voice as calm and even as I could. "Please bring my lord's packs to my room right away and stable his horse for the night. After that we are not to be disturbed. But please tell the staff they are to follow any request from him."

"Right away, my lord," she replied, and I chose to ignore the smirk at the corner of her lips.

Dave took me upstairs, pulling me close once we were in my rooms, and for a long moment just kissed me - deep and possessive and needy, his hands stroking hungrily over my body through my clothes. It left me half-hard and aching for more, and I whimpered despite myself when he pulled away.

"Shh," he murmured, briefly touching my lips. "Take off your clothes for me, darling. Kneel on the rug next to your bed."

I swallowed, glancing briefly to the closed door to my room. "But your packs...."

"I'll take care of everything," he said quietly. "Trust me."

I nodded, fingers trembling as I stripped off my clothing, sinking down to my knees and trying to perfectly hold the display form he'd taught me. Dave's eyes were warm and appreciative as he watched me, and when I knelt he stepped forward to stroke a hand over my hair, pressing my face to his thigh. "So beautiful," he murmured, and I sighed, turning my face, trying to arch up taller to nuzzle his cock through his breeches. Dave gave a soft groan, and his fingers tightened in my hair, pulling me up and pressing my face to his cock, rubbing against me gently. He moved one foot between my thighs as he did, the toe of his riding boots nudging my cock gently, and I couldn't help but whimper. Dave's voice was low, undoubtedly approving. "My beautiful, needy darling...."

A knock came on my bedroom door, and he stepped away, leaving me breathless and alone. I watched as he managed to skillfully block the door with his body as he took the packs. I heard him asking for a meal to be brought up hot in an hour, and shivered at the thought of everything that might happen in the meantime. Then he returned, setting his pack down at the foot of the bed, watching me as he did so. "... it's been hard for you, hasn't it, baby? Being alone."

I closed my eyes, shivering. "When I thought you were gone....."

"I know," he murmured, stepping closer. "I'm sorry, baby. Listen... this is what I'm going to do to you, this is what I think you need. I'm going to reward you for a little bit at first, alright? I'm going to let you taste my cock while you fuck yourself open with your fingers. Would you like that?"

I felt my cock jerk in arousal at the thought. "Please, David."

"My good boy," he murmured, smiling as he stroked my cheek. Then he stepped out, moving to open his packs where I couldn't see them. He pulled out a bottle of oil and a small dish, followed by a small wooden box. Then he produced a shining leather paddle, followed by a flogger made of thick, silken rope, and my throat went dry.

David set them out on the end of the bed neatly, pouring a little oil in the dish and handing it to me. "I'm going to let you taste me while you finger yourself open," he repeated. "And afterwards I'm going to bend you over the bed and put a plug inside you, to keep you open for me. Then I'm going to spank you with my hand, and the paddle, and the flogger, until I've worked all of this hurt and tension out of you. It will hurt, baby. But I won't give you more than you can handle, I won't give you more than you need. And afterwards I'll make love to you. Alright?"

The thought of it was dizzying, overwhelming. I'd asked Dave to go hard on me before I left, needing the intensity of sensation to calm my aching heart, but he still hadn't used anything more than his hand. Still, I trusted him... and I couldn't deny that I craved it all, very much. "Yes, my lord."

"My beautiful boy," he murmured, and stepped forward, starting to unlace his breeches.

I slicked my fingers liberally and set the oil safely aside, rising up onto my knees, lips parting eagerly as he freed his cock from his breeches, giving it a couple of slow strokes. "So eager for it, aren't you?" he whispered, fingers sliding into my hair. He dragged the head of his cock over my lips and cheeks with his free hand, leaving a slick trail of arousal behind, and I whimpered, pressing my tongue out to try and taste him as I reached back to press two fingers up into myself.

"Gods, Nelson...." Dave pushed into my mouth with a low groan, pushing deep so suddenly that I barely managed not to choke around him. I groaned, my cock pulsing harder at the force of his, the exquisite thickness of his shaft filling my mouth, pushing insistently into my throat. Dave gave an approving groan, starting to move slowly, fingers tight in my hair to hold me in place. "That's it, baby, take it just like that.... gods, your pretty little mouth feels so good, darling... are you fucking yourself for me?"

I whimpered affirmative, pumping my fingers into me - lovely, but not nearly enough. I folded a third finger in, stretching myself wider, groaning and sucking hungrily at his cock as my hips stuttered helplessly into nothing.

"My good boy," I heard Dave murmur again, stepping closer. I felt his foot between my knees again, nudging them apart slightly, and moments later the firm, sleek leather of the top of his riding boots pressed against my cock. His fingers raked through my hair, down the back of my neck. "Do you want to hump my boot while I fuck your throat, baby?" he growled, pushing deep again. I choked as I swallowed around him, feeling tears burn my eyes, but I was already grinding up against the smoothness of his boot, fucking myself frantically with my fingers. I could hear Dave's breath grow more laboured, starting to use my mouth a little more urgently. He pushed deep into my throat again, fingers tight in my hair to hold me there, and I found myself nearly wild with need as I struggled to breathe around him, choking and swallowing impulsively around his girth.

Dave cursed breathlessly as he pulled away, pulling from my mouth altogether. I whined, trying to follow, my cock painfully hard where I rubbed up against his boot. "David, please - "

"Shh, baby...." He pressed a thumb into my mouth, panting as he looked down at me. "Elua, your mouth... you're so good, baby, you try my control so much...."

I sucked eagerly on his thumb, whimpering around it, working a fourth finger up into myself and gasping at the burn and stretch. "Don't hold back," I whispered, watching his lips part on a groan. "Please, David. Use me for your pleasure...."

"Elua," he gasped, and then was pushing back into my mouth again, holding my gaze darkly as he pushed his cock down my throat. "Don't think this gets you out of the spanking," he panted, fingers digging into my scalp. "And if you come on my boot, you're going to - to lick it off afterwards... understand?"

I wasn't sure if it was his words, or the feeling of being so helpless to the urgent push of his hips that did it for me. But I couldn't hold back, groaning desperate and muffled as I choked around him, grinding my cock desperately against his leather-covered shin. It was too wonderful after being apart from him for so long, sensation and emotion building hard and fast until I was coming apart.

"Elua, Nelson!" Dave's fingers pulled painfully at my hair again, thrusting deep, and I felt him pulse in my throat as he groaned out his pleasure, coming thick and hot before finally, finally pulling away.

Sinking to my knees I gasped for breath, dazed with pleasure and the full rush of air. Still, I remembered his instruction, and leaned down obediently to lick at the leather of his boot, finding the salty heat of my seed. Dave groaned, fingers sinking into my hair again, warm and gentle as they stroked over my scalp. "Elua, darling... gods, you're so good, so very good, Nelson...."

When I was satisfied I'd gotten all of it, I leaned back on my heels again, still trying to catch my breath as I looked up at him. "Will you spank me now, my lord?" I breathed, and watched his eyes darken with pleasure.

Dave cupped my cheek, stroking my skin gently. "Do you think you can handle it, baby?"

I swallowed hard, trying to take stock of myself. My pulse still thundered in my ears, my limbs languid in the aftermath of orgasm. I thought of the wonderful intensity of being spanked, tried to imagine how much more it would be with the implements he'd laid out on the bed. At the same time, after everything that had gone on there was an undeniable draw to feeling so helpless. "Do you think I can, my lord?"

David smiled, thumb stroking my lips again. "I know you can."

"Then I can." I got to my feet, finding the weakness in my knees surprisingly enjoyable, and leaned over the side of the bed on my forearms, arching my back and sticking my ass out for him.

"My beautiful darling," I heard Dave murmur again, running a hand over my back, caressing the curves of my ass, my thighs. He dragged one finger up the crease of my ass, rubbing gently against my slickened hole with a low hum of approval. Moments later he was gently working the cold hardness of a plug into me, quite a bit thicker than the last one he used on me, intense in the aftermath of orgasm. I whimpered, fluttering around it as I tried to adjust, and Dave made a soothing noise as he stroked my back and shoulders. "It's alright, darling. You can handle this, I know you can... I want to make sure you stay nice and stretched open for me... ready to take me whenever I care to use you for my pleasure...."

"Oh! " I felt my cock, somehow, jerk at the thought, and sighed as the thickest part of the plug pushed past my ring of muscle, the toy settling into me, filling me very nicely. "Oh gods... yes, please...."

"There we go." Dave's hand rubbed over my ass, squeezing my cheeks, making the plug shift slightly inside me. "Give me your _signale_ , my love."

I swallowed, arching my back under the stroke of his hand. "Bright to pause," I murmured. "Free to stop."

"Good boy," he murmured, and landed two firm, warm swats on my ass, sharp and stinging. I groaned, closing my eyes, feeling a thrill run through me at the sensation. It was easy to think about the last two times he'd spanked me, how good it had been to let go to him, then to feel him use me afterward. Now was even more exquisite, the uncertain anticipation of what was to come churning bright and anxious inside me. I'd become a little more familiar with the sensations, and managed not to jump and tense at every blow. Instead I willed myself to relax into it, breathing deep as his hand slowly striped my ass and the back of my thighs, growing in intensity with measured patience until my backside felt hot, nerves tingling with the onslaught of sensation.

Then, with a sharp crack of intensity, the paddle smacked down against my ass.

I cried out with the rush of pain, jerking tense, trembling. Dave made a low, soothing noise, stroking the polished wooden surface gently over my skin, cool and smooth. "Shh... it's alright, baby, you can take this. It's going to make you feel so good...."

The next two smacks were a little lighter, but no less jarring. I felt my cheeks burn, the back of my neck burn, squirming as I tried to shift away from it. "David, please...."

"Shh, baby, I know it hurts...." his fingers stroked slowly up and down my spine, caressing and holding me in place at once. The paddle he continued to stroke over my back and shoulders, then sliding it down between my thighs and gently teasing it against my balls. "But it feels good too, doesn't it?"

I bit my lip on a whimper, crying out and feeling my cock jerk in arousal as the paddle landed against my ass again. I couldn't help but respond to the intensity, or the stimulation of the plug shifting and moving inside me from the force of the paddle. "Yes," I whispered, and Dave made a low, approving hum. 

The paddle smacked against the fleshy top of my thigh, first one, then the other, rubbing and stroking in its wake, leaving me shivering, whimpering. "So good," Dave murmured again. "So beautiful, Nelson, with your pretty little ass all red from my spanking..." He slid his fingers up into my hair, then traced down my forearm, slipping his fingers into mine. "I'm going to go hard on you now, baby. Do you remember what to do if you want me to slow down or stop?"

"Bright," I whispered, a shiver running through me, nervousness and anticipation conflicting, mixing together. "And Free."

"Good." He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. "Would you like me to hold your hand, or hold you down?"

In response I clutched more tightly at his hand, and Dave began spanking me in earnest.

It overwhelmed me completely almost immediately, the hard, unending smacks an onslaught of sensation. I couldn't think about time, couldn't think to count them - all I could do was feel, gasping for breath in mewling cries, eyes clenched tight against it. My ass felt like it was on fire, sore and bruised, and yet each blow also teased the most exquisite pleasure through me, my cock hard and leaking, aching for more sensation despite the onslaught of pain.

When he stopped I gave a shuddering sob, trying to arch my back more, unconsciously seeking the blows. Dave made a low, soothing noise, fingers rubbing gently over my abused skin, agony against my raw nerves. "Shh, it's okay, baby. You're doing so good, you're so beautiful, Nelson... so very, very good.... do you need me to stop now?"

Trembling from the onslaught of sensation, I tried to think, tried to draw a deep breath and do something other than press back into the exquisite agony of his touch. "Don't," I finally managed to whisper, and Dave gave a low groan.

"My good boy," he whispered, and I felt the silken strands of the flail fall gently against the top of my ass, gentle and smooth as he stroked it up and down my back, over my reddened thighs. 

He brought it lightly across the backs of my shoulders, barely even a blow, and I squirmed, trembling under it. After the intensity of the paddle, I felt on edge without it, trembling, aching for that rush of sensation that wouldn't come. "Harder," I gasped, and Dave groaned, squeezing my hand again.

"My eager, desperate love," he breathed, and the flail fell harder, slowly working down my back. By the time he brought it down on my ass it was even more overwhelming than the paddle had been, a sharp, stinging blow, red hot against my abused skin. And within moments my thoughts had deserted me completely, any anticipation of how he would strike or when it would end disappeared to the uncontrollable sensation he inflicted on me. I couldn't stop myself from sobbing, couldn't control my breath, my form trembling helplessly. My cock was painfully hard, but the thickness of the plug in my ass was only a tiny part of the onslaught of sensation that was overwhelming me.

And then, suddenly, something shifted, and it was if the pleasure and pain of it melded into one.

For a moment I forgot how to breathe, and my pulse, thudding against my eardrums, seemed strangely slow, almost like a dream. The flail fell sharp across the back of my shoulders, and though I could feel the pulse of intensity, I couldn't react, couldn't do anything but feel. A strange heaviness had infused my body, a relaxation so deep that I couldn't ever remember feeling so at peace. It felt like I could take the flail forever, and a soft groan escaped my lips as it landed again.

"There...." Dave's voice, barely more than a breath, purred above me, low and pleased. "Elua, yes.... my darling, my love... so good, gods... I knew you could do it, baby...." 

His praise sent a deep pulse of pleasure through me, low and resonant, and when I felt his fingers tug at the plug in my ass I moaned, spreading my thighs wider, fingers falling lax around his. All I could think of was how good it would feel to take him, and groaned as he pressed into me, think and intense, pushing to the hilt with another rush of exquisite intensity. It had never felt so good to be so full, my body shuddering as the head of his cock rubbed against my sweet spot, as the roughness of his breeches pressed into the aching-hot skin of my ass. I'd thought I'd wanted to take the fail forever, but having him inside me was perfection, curling around me, pressing breathless kisses to my neck and shoulder as he moved in me, slow and deep.

"Wanted this so much for you," he breathed, starting to move a little harder, and in the bliss of surrender the sensation started to build, the pleasure of his cock made stronger by the rawness of my ass as our bodies came together. "Wanted you to feel... gods, everything... nothing but this, my love... my beautiful, exquisite love...."

My breath came faster as he picked up the pace, gasping at each rush of sensation that flooded me. I was sobbing again, but I didn't care, every inch of my body singing with pleasure, trembling as I grew close. But it was too good to end, and somewhere in the midst of it I found a place of stillness I could cling to as the waves built around me, the buck of Dave's hips growing more urgent until he was hammering into me, stuttered and rough, until I was wailing, trembling, lost.

"Let go," he gasped. "Come for me now, baby, come on, Nelson, gods - !"

One more thrust and I was shaking apart under him, my body responding to his command without thought. It was as though every bit of sensation I'd felt all piled onto me at once, rushing over me and shaking me apart. The world blacked out around me as I came and came, only the exquisite anchor of his cock holding me to consciousness. I heard him groan, shaky and helpless, pulsing and spilling inside me, warm and exquisite. Then he carefully eased away from me, and I couldn't think about anything at all.

Eventually I realized I was curled in bed with him, laying half on his chest, though I couldn't quite remember how I'd gotten there. I could feel Dave's fingers stroking through my hair, slow and gentle, and I let out a soft, shuddering breath, trying to reorient myself in the world.

Dave shifted, lips warm on my hair. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

I tried to take stock. My ass was sore, but I didn't think it was much more sore than when he'd spanked me. "I... I think so."

"You think so?'

I managed to raise my head enough to look at him, but for a long moment couldn't speak, caught in the warmth and adoration of his gray eyes. Finally I managed to draw breath to whisper, "Is that the truth of Kushiel's love?"

Dave smiled softly, fingers caressing my cheek. "The love of Kushiel," he murmured, "so that pain will ease your burdens and make you stronger. The love of Naamah, so that pain may bring you pleasure. And the love of Blessed Elua, so that I might bring the two together in my love for you." 

_Love._ It still didn't quite seem possible. And yet he was here. Here, and willing to stay.

"Thank you for helping me," I whispered, so filled with love for him that it felt like too much to contain, tears burning at my eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't understand before."

Dave gave a soft hum and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of my eye, warm and soothing. "You put your trust in me, sweetheart. It was my role and my blessing to be allowed to guide you here." His lips nuzzled my temple, my ear, breath a shuddering exhale. "It feels so good, Nelson. Loving you. Loving you for myself."

My heart twisted again, and I had to kiss him to keep from sobbing, my emotions more raw than my tender backside. "I want to be with you," I whispered. "Here, at the University, everywhere. Always. People can think what they will. I love you. I love what you give me, I - I'm so happy with you, David. I won't feel ashamed of that anymore."

Dave smiled against my lips, holding me tighter, his voice rough with emotion. "Then I will stay, my love. I will stay, and do my best to give you such strength and happiness every day."

~End~


End file.
